I'm Broken but I'm fine

Part 7

"Can I go now?" I ask shakily. I'm humiliated enough as it is.

"I'd like you to stay here so I can keep an eye on you just for a little while" Andy says before Harry gets a chance.

"Please" I please shakily.

"We will come and get you for dinner, we expect you to eat with us" Harry says harshly.

I'm out of the chair quickly and race up to my room.

"Harry, that was a bit harsh" Zayn tells him.

I don't hear his response before I'm slamming my door shut. I head to the bathroom. I need to cut, I made Harry yell at me and he hates me now. Why do I have to be such a fuck up. So much for getting out of the house to relieve my thoughts, I've ended up in front of the blade anyway. When I hold he metal in my hands I relax, I calm down Considerably. I rip my bracelets off but as I do a shooting pain hits me and my left arm stings painfully. When the bracelets are off I look down to see the three deep cuts I made last week are open and oozing blood and puss. It looks disgusting and is definitely infected. It hits me that the temperature could be because I've gotten my cuts infected badly. Shit. It's not enough to deter me from cutting though, the extra pain is deserved. I'm too upset to rationalise my thoughts and I swipe the blade over my infected wrist causing blood and puss to shoot out. I cut deep and watch as my body opens up and bleeds, effectively giving me relief. I'm feeling a little woozy I cut pretty deep like always but my body is sick and I find my eyes closing again. I'm woken to a pounding on the bathroom door.

"Louis!!" Harry's voice sounds concerned.

"What?" I manage.

Shit I must have passed out, that was close if he had picked the lock and come in I would have been caught. There is blood everywhere, my left wrist looks painful and is oozing still.

"Dinner is ready" Harry tells me.

"Okay" I say and I hear him breathing outside the door before his footsteps are heard leaving the room.

I quickly dispose of my clothes in the wash basket and tell myself to wash them tonight. I step in the shower and quickly wash my self and clean up. When I get out I apply some cream to my cuts, I put my bracelets back on and head back to my room. I change into sweats and a jumper and head downstairs to the table.

It's quiet and tense when I sit down no one is talking, good one Louis, they are all pissed at you. You are an absolute burden to everyone, god they didn't ask to have you here and you just have to go and fuck everything up. My thoughts whirl around in my head. I'm passed a plate of salmon and vegetables, it smells delicious and I'm actually quite hungry. My stomach is in nervous knots though as I'm worried about what's coming when the boys do talk.

They will probably kick you out, put you on the next train home, what do you expect, I think to myself. I shuffle my food around my plate lost in my thoughts.

"Do we have to have another conversation about eating Louis?" Harry asks his tone clipped.

I look around the table and the boys are all eating, they look at me expectantly.

"I'm not hungry" I say quietly.

Suddenly Harrys fork hits his plate and he turns to me.

"I actually don't care Louis, eat your god dam food before I force it down your throat" he tells me.

"Harry" Andy tries.

"No!" Harry booms.

"I am so beyond pissed off at you Louis, I have half a mind to send you back home. You completely neglected yourself today and I will never let that happen again. I was so fucking worried when you collapsed. Imagine if that had happened out on the street. I work those streets everyday Louis, I know what could have happened" Harry says.