I'm Broken but I'm fine

Part 5

"I understand that, I know Harry just wants to help, when your mum called him I know he wanted to make things right with you and jumped at the chance to spend time with you" Andy tells me.

"Why though, he has hated me for five years, why the hell would he care now?" I ask getting angry now.

"You think Harry has spent five years hating you?" Andy asks confused.

"Yes, I mean I was so close to Harry and he just ......he left me alone and I needed him and he wouldn't talk to me or return my calls and I just.....I needed my big brother and he wasn't there. I've been alone for five years and all I wanted was him.......was someone to talk to" I spill and I get tears behind my eyes.

"That must have been really hard Louis, not having an answer as to why he left you" Andy tells me.

I look into his eyes.

"I know why he left" I tell him flatly

"Oh?" Andy says surprised.

"I came out gay, and he was disgusted, like everyone else......except he just.....left, everyone else......they" I stop talking immediately.

Andy looks at me as if telling me to continue.

"I lost.....everyone close to me when I came out. All my school friends and Harry....just left and they..." I can't finish my sentence, tears are welling in my eyes.

Andy moves to sit next to me on the bed, my hand now drip free and I didn't even notice.

"It's okay kiddo, you can tell me" he says gently.

"I don't want too, it's embarrassing and you will think I'm such a looser...like everyone else does" I say and let the first few tears fall.

"Louis, I would never, ever think that of you. Is it something......something to do with the bruises all over your body?" He asks and I gasp at him, how did he know? I'm such an idiot for letting him see them. Do Harry and the boys know? Shit!!

"We saw them when you were sleeping, your shirt had ridden up" he tells me.

I go to move off the bed and I race for the door, I need to get away from here.

"Louis' it's okay" I hear Andy yell behind me.

I open the door and I run straight into Harry. I push at him and punch his chest but he won't move out of my way. His body doesn't even flinch at my futile attempts to run. Instead Harry incases his arms around me and holds me close.

"Calm down, shhhhhhh, no one is going to hurt you....I'm here" he tells me.

I'm crying and Harry brings me back over to the bed next to Andy and sits me in the middle of them both.

"They beat you..... don't they Louis" Andy asks, he already knows the answer but he wants to hear it from me.

I nod my head. They know and I may as well tell them, then at least i will be able to cover up my other secret. They won't be suspecting of anything else if I tell them this. I wipe my eyes with my hands.

"They.....they hurt me, everyday. They beat me up and flush my head down he toilet. I'm the laughing stock of the whole school. They tell me it's for my own good, that they will beat the gay out of me. Sometimes I'm so sore I can hardly walk. That's why I skip school, not because I'm in a gang or hanging with the wrong people, it's because I can't fight back, there are too many of them, and I don't want to get the shit kicked out of me everyday" I say as the tears fall.

"Fuck, Louis...I'm so fucking sorry kiddo" Harry says.

"So your mums don't know?" Andy asks.

I shake my head furiously. They can't find out.

"No, please, please don't tell them. I don't want them feeling sorry for me, I don't want them worrying I've kept this from them for five years....please" I say shakily.

"Five years?.....Louis....you can't keep going like this" Andy says.

"Look, I won't tell our mums but Louis...you need to allow me to sort this out...please" Harry asks of me.

"What?.....no you can't say anything to the school, they don't give a shit...it will make it worse!!" I practically yell.

"Haz and I will handle it Louis, trust us please, we will fix it okay you won't have to deal with that shit again" Andy tells me.

I look them both in the eyes, and know they are telling me the truth, I want to trust them to help me.

"What kind of doctor are you?" I ask instead.

Harry and Andy chuckle at my question.

"Well, I work at the hospital with teenagers who have eating disorders, depression and anxiety issues. Harry and Niall refer a lot of their kids to me. I help them get back on track" he tells me.

"So you are a psychiatrist? So you do think I'm a freak and need help?" I ask my chest constricting again.

"Im a general doctor with a degree in psychiatry as well and I don't think any of my patients are freaks Lou and you are far from being one. I have seen some fucked up shit I will admit and you are definitely know where near that. I do however Think you could use someone to talk to though" he tells me.

"I'm not crazy I don't need a psych....this is why I didn't want to tell anyone...I don't want to talk to anyone" I say.

"Well, I'm glad you opened up to us about what's being going on the last five years Louis. Now we can work on fixing it and hopefully when you go back home in three months you will actually be happy" Harry tells me.

"I'm not some depressed teenager, I'm not a freak who has an eating disorder or is suicidal, I don't do drugs or anything. I'm fine, just because I kept the bullying a secret doesn't mean I'm not coping with my life. Just because I wanted you around Harry doesn't mean I can't handle things, I'm fine and I'm sick of telling everyone I am!!!" I start off quietly and finish with my voice raised.

I walk out of the room and away form Andy and Harry. I don't want to continue this conversation any longer.