I'm Broken but I'm fine

Part 2

I look at him, that was a pretty straight up question and it startles me a little.

"I....I ate breakfast and I brought stuff with me, I ate in my room and I'm not hungry" the lie slips from my mouth so easily.

At home it's easy to lie, there is no one watching my every move, no one notices I don't eat all day.

"I know you didn't eat breakfast because Lou, your mum called me and asked if I could make sure you ate something when you got off he train because you skipped breakfast" Harry tells me gently.

Shit, this is definitely going to be harder than I thought.

"Why do you care" I spit frustratingly, the only way I can see to get out of this is to get angry and maybe the will stop bothering me.

"Why do I care?, what kind of question is that Louis? You mean so much to me, of course I care" Harry spits back.

"No you don't, if you cared you would have called,you would have been there for me when I needed you but you left and never contacted me again. I know you were glad to get rid of me" I yell at him.

Harry doesn't yell back, instead he looks at me with hurt in his eyes.

"I apologise Louis, I know and I'm so sorry, but I'm here now, I want to help you so please don't pretend like nothing is wrong" Harry says back more calmly.

"You are wasting away Louis, your skin and bones and we can't ignore that, not as long as your living here and you are our responsibility" Liam says.

"I didn't ask for this, I don't want you to care.....I eat all the time..." I say.

"Then eat Louis" Niall says.

He is looking at me pleadingly, I look down at my plate and I stab a piece of meat with my fork and bring it to my mouth and chew. It tastes good but I haven't eaten a proper meal in forever and I can't stomach much.

Niall smiles at me and everyone goes back to eating in silence for a while.

"Louis, there is a friend of ours, his name is Andy and he is really nice and he is a....he's a doctor" Harry starts.

"A doctor?" I question, why is Harry telling me this?

"Yeah he is really great and we think you might like to meet him too, he is really great to talk to" Zayn finishes.

I don't know if they are just being nice or they have an underlying intention by mentioning Andy. My breathing picks up, they think I need a shrink or something? I don't want to see anyone I'm not crazy, I know I'm worthless and I'm a disgrace but I don't need to talk to anyone. I feel like I can't breathe, the boys think I need to see someone, they do think I'm going off the rails. I drop my fork and I feel like I'm not getting enough oxygen.

"Louis?" Harry says from beside me.

I can't answer him though, I feel like I'm underwater and I can't break the surface.

"Fuck.....Louis" I can hear Zayn now.

Someone is in front of me but I can't make out who it is.

"Just relax, kid, breathe" Zayn is saying.

"Niall get a glass of water" Liam says.

"I can't I.......I caaaant breathe" I panic.

"Yes you can Lou, I'll help you" Harry is saying.

He grabs my hand and I'm too out of it to even flinch, he places my hand on his heart and covers it with his own.

"Feel my heart beat Lou, concentrate on my heartbeat and my breathing, try to follow it" he tells me.

I feel myself being lifted but I concentrate on trying to get air in my lungs and focus on Harry. In and out, in and out slowly. Eventually I start to breathe normally and I calm down. When I do, I realise I'm in Harrys lap, straddling him. My hand is against his chest and he is carding his hand through my hair. My head resting on his shoulder.

"That's it, it's okay.......I've got you....it's okay" Harry is repeating to me.

Zayn and Liam are crouched down in front of me and Liam has a glass of water, Niall is on the phone behind them.

"So it's never happened before?" Niall asks, whoever is on the other line. I assume it's my mother.

"Okay Jay, he is calm now, we will look after him don't worry.......okay, yep, bye" Niall finishes and hangs up.

I don't realise I'm crying until Zayn reaches out and wipes a tear off my cheek.

"Don't cry babes, everything is okay....we promise" he reassures me.

"Jay said it's never happened before Haz, thinks it was a panic attack" Niall comes over and kneels I'm front of us to say.

"Should we call Andy?" Harry asks.

"No!....no I'm fine please, I'm fine i...." I start and begin to feel my breaths quickening again.

"Shhhhhhh, it's okay just relax. We won't call Andy if you just try to calm down babes" Zayn says.

Harry grabs my hand again and holds it to his chest, I turn my head and bury my face in his shoulder. I have ruined his shirt with tears but his smell is so relaxing. I grab his shirt in my hands trying to ground myself again. When I'm breathing normally again Harry shifts to say something to the boys. I can hear them talking but I don't know what they are saying. Before I know it Harry has picked me up like a child and I wrap my legs around his waist. He is comfortable and I don't want to let him go. He holds me too him and whispers sweet nothings in my ear. We don't even make it to my room before I've passed out