I'm Broken but I'm fine

Part 1

I run to my room and lock my bedroom door, I run to my bed and reach for my suitcase underneath. I open it and pull out my secret box. My breathing is ragged as I open it with shaky hands, I look at the silver blade covered in blood inside, sometimes I feel like the blade is the only one to care,my only friend. This is my release and escape from the horrible thoughts and events that happen at school nearly every day. My mind is filled with the same thoughts I always have,

You're not good enough
Everyone hates you
You're fat and ugly
Now you're being sent away because you're a burden.

I furiously wipe the tears away from my eyes and sit on my floor. I wear seven black leather bracelets on each wrist,, they hide my secrets from the world. I begin to take them all off and It's with those thoughts flowing through my head I swipe the blade over my left wrist, one, two, three times. I sigh relieved and watch as the blood trickles down my arm. My life is so fucked right now and this is the only thing that keeps me grounded. I cry silently to myself. I now have to find a way to hide my secrets from four guys that I barely know. What if Harry still hates me? I can't even believe he agreed to me staying with him, my parents probably paid him off.

I sit lost in my thoughts about Harry before I pull myself together and I walk myself to the bathroom. I clean my wrists up and put my bracelets back on. I get into my sweats and a long sleeve shirt and shakily slip into bed. I don't come down for dinner when my mums knock on my door, I just lie facing the wall, thinking. I eventually fall into an uncomfortable sleep not knowing what tomorrow will hold. I will see my step brother for the first time in years and I really wish I didn't have to wake up.

I'm angry and tired the next morning. I didn't sleep very well, worrying about what's going to happen today. I sit at the table playing with my breakfast, I've lost my appetite recently and I'm definitely not in the mood to eat this morning.

"Louis, honey....eat please" my mum says to me as she takes a seat next to me at the table.

"I'm not hungry" I say pushing my plate away.

"Louis, you are wasting away, you need to eat" Anne says as she makes her way into the kitchen to get a cup of tea.

"Louis, please don't shut us out, we know something is going on and we just want to help...please" my mum pleads with me.

"There isn't anything going on, I'm fine....just stop bothering me....I don't need to go live with Harry you just don't want me anymore" I lash out.

"That's not true at all honey, we are worried sick about you and we think this is the best option right now" my mum says.

"It's summer break in a week and that's three months for you and Harry to bond and hopefully figure out some stuff hey!" Anne says happily.

I scoff at her comment, bond with the step brother who up and left and never talks to me anymore.

"Harry is really looking forward to seeing you" my mum adds.

I highly doubt that.

"Well I better get my stuff then" I say sarcastically as I storm out of the kitchen and head to my room.

"Louis" my mum calls after me but I don't listen. I slam my door shut and turn my music up loud, I fall on my bed and I look up at the ceiling. My life sucks right now.

HARRYS POV.

"Hey mum, what's up?" I say as I answer the phone.

It's a bit late for my mum to be ringing me, I know mum and Johanna have been having a few issues with Louis at the moment. They have asked me and the boys to take him in over the summer break. At first I was a little reluctant to agree, I haven't seen Louis in years and the boys might not be too keen on having a 17 year old around. Once I spoke to them though they were actually excited to have Louis come stay, they were eager to help when I explained what was going on.

When I left five years ago I distanced myself from Louis, I knew from a young age that I was bisexual but when Louis came out gay, I knew I was developing feelings for the kid and I didn't like it. It was all new to me and every time I looked at the adorable kid I would fall harder and harder. I know I hurt him when I left, but I didn't know what else to do and it just became easier to push him and my feelings aside. I am looking forward to seeing him again, but the way mum and Jay are talking about Louis I am a little worried. I just hope I can help.

"Harry....I just wanted to call and say that we told Louis tonight that he was coming to stay with you" Mum tells me, she sounds upset.

"Oh yeah...how did he take it?" I ask.

"He.....was upset, thinks we are trying to get rid of him" she tells me sighing.

"He will come round mum" I tell her.

"I'm so worried about him Harry and so is Jay, we just don't know what's been going on. He is so....distant" mum tells me.

"I'm sure it's nothing serious" I say trying to reassure her, I don't believe it though, something must be going on for Louis to be so down.

"Harry, he died his hair black, he has an eyebrow ring. He only wears dark clothing, we found drugs and smokes in his room.....and the worst part is I haven't seen him eat a meal in god knows how long" My mum says as a small sob escapes her.

I didn't realise things were this bad with Louis, I feel like I'm to blame for this, I left and he has no one. How could I have done that to him, now he is skipping school and going off the rails. I deal with delinquent kids everyday, I arrest them and detain them and try my hardest to help them but I never want Louis to become like them. I will do everything I can to help him.

"It's okay mum, when the boys and I pick him up tomorrow we will sort him out okay, don't worry. Louis will be fine, I'll make sure if it" I tell her reassuringly.

"Thank you Harry.....so much" my mum says.

We talk a little longer and say our good nights and hang up, just as Niall walks downstairs from being up in the guest bedroom. We live in a six bedroom flat in London together and have for four years, we all work together and most people would think that's a recipe for disaster but it works and we wouldn't change it for anything.

"Lou's rooms all set up mate, I set up the one next to yours, put a PlayStation and TV in there too" Niall says smiling.

"Thanks mate, that's great, thanks for being okay with this" I tell him.

"Haz, Louis is like family and quite frankly I've missed the kid, it will be great to see him again and hopefully get to the bottom of everything" He says.

I smile at him as Liam and Zayn walk in the front door, home from their shift. They are partners and work homicide while Niall and I work with the youth.

"What are you two still doing awake?" Liam asks as he takes his jacket and shoes off at the door.

"Just finishing getting organised for Louis tomorrow" Niall says.

"Great, that reminds me, I need to head to the shops tomorrow and pick up his favourite snacks. remember how much he used to love gummy worms" Zayn says smiling.

"Yeah, I forgot about that, he always used to steal them from my room" I laugh out.

We all share a laugh at the fond memory of an adorable 12 year old Louis.

"Mum says he hasn't been eating, I'm hoping we can change that. I'm actually worried. I know I haven't seen him in years or kept in touch with him but I want that to change I'm going to make it up to him" I tell them determined.

"We will help you Haz, you know we will be here for him too. We will get to the bottom of it we promise" Niall reassures me.

We all share a look of understanding and I just hope it's true, that we can work together and be there for Louis and fix whatever is going on.