I am not her
I will never be her. But that shouldn't mean that I will never be enough. I am enough, I am unique, I am able to be loved.
It took my 19 years on this earth to learn how to love myself. To love and accept my body. There was years where I took revenge on this wonderful body. This oh so fragile body. And I cannot apologize to my body. I had to regroup and rebuild. I had to get in the right state of mind in order to rebuild the life I knew I deserved for myself. The first step of being happy is learning to love yourself. And I can really say I finally do. Even if I love myself it does not mean others will fall for me the way I did for myself.
I am no means a replacement for her. She gave him everything and
I'm trying...
but sometimes that's just not enough.
I will continue to try and be enough.
I see a future with him.
He needs closure with her.
She will not give him that closure, but sometimes you don't get that closure. Sometimes life makes you just move on. It doesn't mean forgetting a great part of our life that we lost, but it does mean putting it away on the shelf for a rainy day. Sometimes you need to forgive someone even if they aren't sorry.
I will try in anyway I can to help, but the worst part is if you do not want help you will not take it.
I know I am enough. But maybe just not enough to him. If you compare the old with the new, of course you choose the new.
The old is comfortable. Predicable. And it is so hard to let go of what is comfortable in you life.
But when you see things a new way and try new things you learn that the new could be better, more fun and executing. Things are different, but a good different.
There's room for change and exploration.
There's room to make mistakes and learn from them.
There's room to grow together and learn from each other's mistakes.
Take advantage of the life you have in front of you before it disappears.
You have you're health
You have your mind
You have endless opportunities to do anything.
Appreciate and take what's in front of you before it's too late.
Though I am not and will never be her.
I am myself and that's the best I can give anyone.
Love Always,
Niki xx
