Memory Documentation

chapter two | documenting trying with courage

He gave a slight nod. "Yeah, that's my name. And you're the girl from last night."

My fingers began to tingle. Does he not recognize me? I forced myself to continue. "Y-yeah, that was me. Um, but do you... remember me?"

The smile he flashed me threw me of guard. It wasn't a smile full of recognition or apology.

It was bitter.

"Yeah, Darcy. I remember you." This, he didn't say with bitterness. Although he said it with a neutral tone, the fact that he didn't say it with joy really took a stab at my heart.

"So, you did recognize me?"

His tone turned wry. "I recognized you in the halls around when school started. I figured you either came back to New York recently, or you've been back for a while now and transferred in. But since you stopped talking to me – to all of us, actually – I really didn't know." He shrugged his shoulders. "I also figured you didn't care or want to talk."

The underlying vehemence of his words struck me harder. Part of me was guilty and mortified; I wanted to apologize right away. But the other side of me was...  angry. A permanent part in me regretted falling out of touch with him and the others. And while I wish I had handled things differently when I was away, there was so much more to those five years that he didn't even know about! Quickly, that anger overcame all other emotions. I fixed a steely glare at him, ignoring the yikes-like expressions coming from his friends.

"Seems like you have me all figured out, don't you?" I retorted, scowling. "But you're right, you don't know, but thank you so much for your asshole assumptions."

I took pride in the falter of his and his friends' expressions. I held on to that feeling as I made a front to push pass them, but as I got farther away and slipped around a corner to hide from possible watching eyes, the facade fell. Only then did I notice how my body was trembling and my heartbeat was vigorous beneath my chest.

In all my daydreams of how Chris and I's first proper reunion would go, confrontation was not in a single one of them.

I slid down against the wall, clenching my fists as if to squash the buzzing nerves. Well, I thought, that's the last time I'm going to the cafeteria again.

✿❀✿

"Damn it."

"What?"

"I lost count on how many times you've yawned so far. I told Ben that I'd give him a number by the time this hour's up."

Ronnie looked so serious as she stared down at the freshly baked cupcakes that I actually believed her. "I went to bed pretty late last night," I admitted.

"Why?" She smirked as she slyly held up a paper towel with a heart drawn in frosting. "Were you thinking about a certain someone?"

I scowled at the inevitable teasing that was to come and snatched the paper towel, aiming a glare at her with such intensity before I realized that pink frosting was now smeared on my hand. I held it up for her to see. "I can totally smear this into your hair, you know," I threatened.

"I wouldn't have much trouble getting it out compared to if I smeared some in yours," she replied and gestured to her red short hair. It'd been longer not too long ago, almost down to her breasts, but she cut and styled it into a pixie cut when she became more busy in the kitchen. She really rocked the style, though, and preferred it more than her past locks.

"But anyway, if Ben told you about the smiley napkin boy, it's not what you think," I muttered. Catching on to the mix of anger and sadness in my tone, Ronnie dropped the teasing all together. Later during our lunch break, I sat Ronnie and Ben down to tell them what happened at school yesterday. I didn't see Chris at all today, but that's because I was purposely trying to hide from him – coming to school later, going straight to Mrs. Ichikawa's room for lunch, leaving immediately after last period. Yet, I was still on edge, thinking he may have seen me even when I didn't see him. After all, he said he's seen me since I transferred to this school.