"You rise, I fall
I stand, you crawl
You twist, I turn
Who's the first to burn."
I don't own Shadowhunters, I only own Ariana Lewis and her plot and of course what she does. And I ow...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
~
I lay staring up at the ceiling, tears forming in my eyes as they began to trail a wet line down my cheeks. I hated crying, I always seemed to be crying these days and no, I wasn't crying because of what happened in the Seelie Court. Recently I had begun to feel depressed again, the familiar feeling of not wanting to go out, eat or laugh was taking over me.
I knew it was because of the overwhelming stress and emotions I was feeling, it didn't particularly help when I all I seem to feel around Clary was her guilt, even when she's around Gilbert, she still hasn't and probably won't ever tell him about the kiss.
I slowly lifted my hands up and wiped the tears away, I knew I needed to take my medication, something I haven't took the whole time I've been at the Institute, it's lucky that I haven't had a episode of feeling this way the whole time I've been here, most probably the excitement and the thrill of killing demons.
But now, I've had time to sit in silence. Letting the overwhelming emotions break through my built up walls. I realise now that my depression never fully disappeared, it just went silent, hiding in the shadows of my mind, just waiting for the time to jump out and ruin me once more.
I hate getting flashbacks from things I don't want to remember, things I thought were hidden away never to be thought about again. But I was wrong, they'll always come back to taught you, in every single way possible. I'm sick of crying, I'm tired of trying, I may smile and pretend everything is okay, but on the inside I'm slowly dying.
It's almost like I'm traveling down a long, dark, cold, empty road to nothing. After the accident, I thought I was getting better, when I met Alec and Izzy I thought everything was coming together. And then I met Jace, and I thought my life was finally complete. But there is still a small voice that reminds me of all the bad things I've done, telling me it was my fault for what happened to Emma. That voice may be right.
"Ariana?" That voice, that sweet innocent voice broke out through the dark room, her red hair gleaming as she moved to sit on the edge of the bed. Her green eyes holding worry as she peered down at me. "Oh, Ari." She whispered gently as I sat up and wrapped my arms around her neck, letting my tears fall.
"It's back." I whispered painfully, my fingers wounding themselves into the fabric of her t-shirt, Clary's fingers ran through my hair gently as she rocked us back and forth. She was the only one apart from Simon and Luke who knew about my depression, she was the one who stood by my side, dragging me into the daylight when I only wanted to stay in the darkness.
"It'll be okay, Ari." She whispered gently "you'll get through this again, you always do." I inhaled sharply as I pulled away from her before nodding my head gently. "It's just hard." I confessed "I know my life is great, but I can't help but feel like it's not, I can't help but feel lost."
