I Smell Snow

December 17th

"It's probably not the best time for you to visit, Evangeline." Your dad was standing by the door frame of your blue painted door. The door was creaked just enough for him to fit, blocking everything and you, behind him.

"Is Theo alright?" My brows creased, an anxious feeling making its way to the pit of my stomach. Your dad looks exhausted, his eye bags were dark and endlessly deep as if the pockets held all the pain. They probably did--watching you endure this evil illness is torture for me, I can only imagine what it would be like for your dad.

"He's just not feeling well."

"Oh ok," my frown deepened. I've been frowning so much, I'm afraid I might have permanent wrinkles. "Have a goodnight Mr. Anderson. Can you let Theo know I stopped by?"

He nods, a sad smile on his face before he shuts the door softly.

The short walk to my car was dreadful. I could not stop worrying about what was happening behind that door of yours. Were you looking pale and sweating like crazy? I read that was a symptom.

Or were you throwing up into the toilet bowl constantly until you felt like you wanted to give up? I hope it wasn't the latter because I don't think I'd be able to handle it.

I fish out my car keys out of my pocket and press the unlock bottom. As soon as I grab the door handle, I hear your all too comforting voice.

"Evangeline!" I turn around, locking eyes with your own. You are heading towards me but I speed up the process and run into your arms like come cliché movie moment.

You wrap your arms around me and I bury my head in the crook of your neck. You stroke my long brown hair gently. When we pull away, you look at me intently before placing your forehead on mine.

"Your dad said it wasn't a good time."

"I feel better already. Just holding you, it's where I want to be, Eva."

I crack a smile, "You're a cheese-ball."

"It's a good thing you like cheese," you laugh loudly, dimples appearing. I poke one and laugh. You catch my hand and kiss my knuckles softly.

"Yeah, I like brie, gouda, cheddar, an-"

"Shut up lumberjack."

Then you kiss my nose, followed by your lips brushing past mine in a gentle motion. My eyes flutter shut. I run a hand through your hair until I meet the ends, and slide my arms down and around your neck. "Kiss me like you mean it, Theodore."

And you do.

And at this exact time, I realized that I was in deep. Far too deep than I originally intended. Because in this moment Theodore, you have my heart.

My entire being; you have my soul.

And what hurts the most is that when your lips met mine just now, I could taste the fresh icy mint from what I presume to be your toothpaste.

I did not want to accept it but I now know it was definitely the latter reason for your dad not letting me in.

Suddenly you pull away from the kiss and lift my chin up with your fingers. "Evangeline, you're crying."

I didn't even notice the tears that had began rolling down my skin. I squeeze my eyes shut, never wanting to open them because I'd have to stare into your eyes and I'm supposed to be the strong one here. I need to be strong for you.

Your thumb runs under my eye and wipes the lingering tears away.

"I'm sorry," I apologize repeatedly, "I didn't mean to start crying. C'mon kiss me again." I try to smile but even my best efforts aren't enough.

Instead you pull me closer, if possible, letting my cheek rest on your chest. "I think I'll just hold you right now," you murmur.

I nod against the warmth and softness of your cotton tee. "...o-okay." I reply with a shaky breath. And sooner or later my body is shaking with sobs. I pull away, wanting to go home and cry alone but your grip only tightens on me.

What will I do if you leave me?