~~langst~~ (one shots)

useless (part 1)

I walk out of the room with my head hanging down.

I make a bee line directly to my room making sure not to bump into anyone so I don't have to me lectured again. I really cannot deal with another today. I can barely deal with one.

My door slides open and I trudge in, dragging my feet. They feel like lead weights and I just can't be bothered to lift them.

I sit down on my bed and cup my head in my hands.

I'm alone now.

I don't have to pretend.

I let my mask fall and I feel my tears dribble hotly down my face. Tears turn to sobs, turn to bawling. I can barely breath. My lungs refuse to work properly and all my body can do is cry and hope I get enough air in to not suffocate.

You're weak! You're useless! You're nothing! They don't need you! No one does.

They could replace you so easily.
You'd be better off dead.
They don't want you here anyway.
They don't care about you.

I don't blame them.

I lift my head out of my hands and reach under my pillow. My fingers brush against the cold metal of the small knife I hide there.

I pull out the blade and hold it in my hands, staring at like if I just look hard enough it f will answer all my problems.

Of course, it doesnt. It's just a blade. An inanimate object with no feelings.

Just like how the paladins see me.

No feelings.

I roll up my sleeve. White scars litter my arm. No fresh cuts on this arm. No sir. I've been saving this arm for a while. Cutting elsewhere so that I can really wreck havoc on myself. A blank canvas if you ignore the scars.

I smile to myself. I'm excited. I know it's bad but i am. I deserve this. This is punishment for being so useless weak and annoying.

You're right lance. You deserve it. Do it.

I nod to the voices in my head, agreeing with them.

I press the sharp side of the knife to my arm and drag it from one side of my wrist to my the other relishing the pain that shoots up my arm and smiling as the blood trickles down my wrist mixing with my tears.

I press deeper and do it again above it.

It hurts even more and fresh tears sting my eyes.

I sob quietly and continue until my whole forearm is and mess of cuts and words I etched into my arm with the blade.

I feel light headed and woozy, nothing I haven't felt before.

There's a lot of blood.

I sigh and wrap my arm slowly with a bandage. I pull it tight so it will stop some of the bleeding. It works to some degree which I'm glad of.

Don't want the other paladins finding out just how weak you really are.

I sigh and roll down my sleeves before I walk over to me bed and flop onto it.

I curl my body up into a ball and let my sobs rattle my body as I try to keep quiet. My eyes are burning from crying and the pain in my heart doesn't seem to want to leave. My hunger and anxiety fighting in my stomach.

☆☆time skip☆☆

~~third person~~

The paladins and the alteans sit down at the table.

"What's on the menu tonight hunk?" Pidge asks excitedly. She loves hunks cooking, it's always so colourful and delicious.

"I have purple food goo and a cake for dessert!" Hunk says happily.

"Hey has anyone seen lance?" Keith asks the group scanning their faces.

"I haven't seen him since Allura gave us the low down on the galra" lodge says shrugging.

"I'm going to go find him and see if he is alright" Keith says pushing away from the table.

"I don't know why you're so worried it's not like we should care what he does since he obviously doesn't care about us" Allura says snarkily.

"Allura!" Hunk scolds her. She just ignores him.

Keith rolls his eyes angrily and walks off to find lance.

~~keiths pov~~

I head towards lances room and knock on the door.

"Hey lance! You in there?" I call through the door.

No response.

Huh that's strange he's usually so loud and obnoxious. Not like him to be so quiet. Maybe he isn't in his room.

"Hunk has food ready!".

No response again.

I reach to open the door but it's slides open before I can.

"Hey keith".