I'm No Expert | Bleville

11. Golden

Golden

Blaise opened his eyes to the early morning dormitory, sun still barely peeking over the horizon. There was a sort of early morning tranquility, as if he had risen when everyone in the world was still peacefully slumbering, yet to wake up for early morning bustle.

Blaise blinked the sleep out of his eyes and began to dress into some clothes. He was feeling rather well rested and he felt the need spend his morning by himself, with his own thoughts somewhere secluded.

The place for that, he decided, was the grassy area close to the greenhouses. It was a nice area to watch the sun rise and get lost in contemplation.

Once he was dressed in his clothes, Blaise left the Slytherin common room and walked through the silent halls of Hogwarts.

As it was so early, there were only a few students wandering around the castle. He probably didn't have to worry about any of the students being Neville or any of his Gryffindor friends, as Blaise had never seen them this early in the day. He would know, since he would frequently wander the castle when he was unable to stay asleep.

Blaise passed under the large doorway of the castle and walked across the cobbled walkway. His shoes made a click-clacking noise as he progressed, creating a comforting rhythm for him to latch on to.

Even after last night's rest, his thoughts were still a swirling mess of useless insecurities and questions that would never be answered.

He stood on the grass for a moment, taking in the chilly morning air and focused on his mind.

Why were his thoughts dominated by Neville? His mind had never been like this in the past, always lingering on his studies or planning out schemes on how to win over some girl that he had taken an interest to, but never on Neville. They had shared classes for the past years, passing each other in the halls and maybe even sharing glances (he sort of doubted that).

It puzzled Blaise how Neville was able to almost completely take over all of his thoughts after one simple conversation that they had shared on that day of being partnered in herbology, leaving him not quite the same as he was before. After they had started to share each other's company more often, Blaise found himself seeking the boy's attention more and more, and it concerned him.

It concerned him how Neville would react if he were to ever find out about Blaise's feelings.

Neville wouldn't be disgusted. He was too kind, too caring for that. At least, if he was disgusted, he would never openly show that to Blaise.

He probably didn't risk losing whatever friendship they had if Neville were to find out. Neville supported Draco and Potter, so he would be fine with Blaise being gay (gay? Blaise really didn't know if that was the right term for him, as he had also liked girls before, just never in the way that he liked Neville). He was also just an overall nice person, so when he didn't return his feelings, he would still be on friendly terms with Blaise (hopefully).

Confessing would be hopeless. He wasn't good enough for Neville. Neville was so kind and full of innocence. Blaise would probably ruin that for him. His past reputation would probably bother Neville, making him undesirable, as Neville would most likely think that Blaise was simply playing games with him, and not looking for a committed relationship.

Blaise really didn't deserve to be with Neville, let alone be in a romantic relationship with him. He had played around with people, fully knowing that they felt for him. Even worse, Blaise had never even thought to do anything about the others in his house bullying Neville. He had always just allowed it to happen.

Despite all of that, Blaise smiled at the thought of how Neville made him feel. Everytime Blaise saw his blush, it was as if the sun was rising. Every smile made Blaise just want to melt into the ground. Neville simply made Blaise want to prove himself to him. He made him want to show the Gryffindor that we was worthy of his attention and that he was deserving of his attention.