The day I had you (Book 1) (A sad story) ~Completed~

Chapter17- My Confused Mind

I woke up and forgot that I did break up with Jaze so I got my phone and started calling him. After the second ring, he answered the call.
He smiled when he saw her number calling and said. he "She called me." and he picked up the call.
     “Hello, sweetie,”he said.
When I heard his voice the feelings I felt for him came rushing in. I mustn't get affected.
     “Hello, Jaze,”I said.
     “Yes, sweetie?”he asked.
     “I have decided to love Jack again,”I said.
     “Oh, that's good hear,” he said feeling a bit sad that it wasn't him.
     “Oh, I have a question?”I asked.
     “What is it, my love?”
     “Do you still love me even though I broke up with you?”I asked.
     “Yes, I still love you and that will never change,” he said. "Because you are my one and only love. Remember Elsa if he breaks your heart again, I'm for you to love you,”he said.
     “Thank you, for always understanding,” I replied.
     “It's no problem sweetie, I miss you so much my love,” he said. “I wish you were here,”
     “I miss you too Jaze I wish I was there by your side. I said. Bye,”
     “Bye Elsa my love,” he said and hung up.
When he hunged up I remembered the memories I spent with him and I was happy even I know he still loves until but I cannot love him like the way I used to and I must be crazy to call him and tell him all that but hearing his voice makes me calm, but why did I call him I must crazy to do that. I took a deep breath and sit on my bed just thinking about it. Then there was a knock the door.
     “Who, is it?” I said through the door.
      “It's me, sis,” Anna said through the door.
     “Oh, come in,”I said.
Her sister came in.
     “Hi sis, how are you?”Anna said.
     “Why did something happen?” she asked.
     “Yes,” I answered.
     “What is it?” she asked.
     “I called Jaze by accident,”I replied.
     “What? You called him,”
     “Yes, I did,”I said.
     “So what did you talk about?” she asked curiously.
     “I asked him if he still loves me even though I broke up with him.”
     “So what did he say?”
     “He said: Yes, he still loves me and that will never change because he said his heart belongs to me, and he said he misses me,” he really loves me even now,”
     “So what did you say,” she asked.
     “I said I miss him too.” “I also told him I have decided to love Jack again,”I replied.
     “What, you said that to him, “so what did he say?”
     “He said: If Jack's breaks my heart again, he is there to love me,”
     “Jaze is still the same,” “He loves you very much Els,”she said.
     “I know,”
      “Els, let's go out,” 
     “Go where?”I asked.
     “Let's go to the mall,”she said cheerfully.
     “I don't want to, I just to stay in my room,”I said.
     “What if I call Jaze to keep you company, will you come then?” she asked.
     “Anna, did you just forgot that Jaze and I have just broken up remember? and I have decided to love Jack again and give him a second chance,” I said.
     “Oh, Elsa, I can’t believe you’re giving him a second chance again to love you,”
     “I had to because I still love him and don't worry if he hurts me again I will go back to Jaze and love him instead, “because even if I broke up with him, he still loves me and he is a different person I just realized it now. That I really love him. But I had to let go because I can’t make up my mind and I’m confused I know I love him and I know that I also still love Jack but my feelings for him faded away when he left. But not completely because I know I still love him. But I’m afraid he might hurt me again because being hurt is the worse pain I’ve ever experience because I am not very good with dealing with it. But I can slowly accept it. But not right away. Because even if the world is upside down I can't erase that fact that I have loved him. But what can my love do? If he only loves himself. Maybe I should think about it. Because he says he loves me but I’m unsure if I still love him. Because when he left me I was alone with no one to be with no one to love. I suffered so much because he had left me. I know I was hurt and wounded. He had given me pain and agony unlike before he loves me cherishes me but now it feels like a dream. But reality hits me. The sad truth knowing he was gone and changed to the man I didn't know anymore and we kept on misunderstanding one other and I never knew why? What was the reason for leaving me he didn’t explain why he had left me but he did? I loved him but it came to the point that he was so utterly despicable that I couldn’t take it anymore I could not stay any longer. I gave my everything to him even though it’s hard I endure it just for him to see that. But he can’t. It's sad knowing that the man you've always have love or had loved is slowly slipping from you and there’s nothing you can do but to bear it because you loved him. But now. I have someone who will love me but I cannot love him. He is showing everything just for me to love him. But cannot see it because I was hurt once and I don't like to be hurt again. But he truly loves and understands me in everything I do. I cannot believe he came to my life. And he shows me I can be loved by someone like him. His love for me is real and I can feel it. I can feel like being myself when he's around. I felt like I was home and it so good to be loved. But I then realized I have already loved him and I cannot see him suffer because of me and with a hard feeling I broke up with him which is the worse decision I’ve made in my life. Because I knew I love him but I let go.
When we will met again he told me he still loves and wants to be with me and I knew I was being selfish but I denied what I am feeling and pretended I was okay. But when I saw him again I couldn't deny my feelings anymore so I said what I have to say and glad he took me back I was happy he took me. He says he still loves and adores me I remembered the good times I spent with him. But I had figure out if Jack still loves me truly or not. It's hard to make a choice, it's hard to choose one. Because I’m still unsure about who I should love.