are you in love with a notion //phan

(11) 29th January 2012

IOU £5 if you can remember what happened last chapter bc it's been that long since I've been here

When Dan arrived home a few hours later, he found Phil sat patiently on their sofa, waiting. Dan might have lied to that overly Mancunian bartender about his plans to go straight home.

"It's a Tuesday! What the fuck, Dan?" he was greeted with a worried Phil as he stumbled through the door of the apartment.

"Arguably, it's Wednesday," he muttered. It was three in the morning.

"Stop being pedantic, you're binge drinking on a weeknight - it's wrong and you know it. And you left in the middle of that livestream, it was so abrupt; I couldn't ask where you were going or when you'd be back because it'd look odd, you just left me vulnerable in front of thousands of people. It was sort of embarrassing, Dan." Phil didn't sound angry despite what he was saying.

"M'sorry, alright?" he said, words a little slurred and incoherent. "Got overwhelmed."

"Well no, not really, not alright. Just get yourself a glass of water and try and sober up." his expression and feelings were clear: disappointment, Dan would even dare to say sadness and upset as well. "For me," he added, making Dan feel all the more guilty.

Dan decided he'd probably feel better himself if Phil was mad. If he'd scream and rage and shout in his face about what a terrible partner he was and that they should break up there and then. But he didn't. He never did. Too nice for that. Too nice for someone like Dan. For someone who'd throw Phil's (seemingly) unconditional love back in his face at any given opportunity. Perhaps Dan could learn to stop his cringily melodramatic trains of thought whilst Phil learnt to actually react as most beings would.

Purely because he believed he should respect Phil's wishes, he filled a cup with water and drank its contents. He had a second glass just for good measure.

"Sit with me?" Phil asked once the glass was placed on the kitchen counter, still using the overly calm voice that was tearing Dan apart from the inside out.

"Why aren't you pissed off?" Dan sat on the sofa next to him.

"I am, trust me. You couldn't expect me not to be, but getting into a fight with you won't help the situation. I'm tired, I haven't slept yet because I didn't know where the hell you were or when you'd be back, I've been worried sick to be quite honest - I'm all these things but I'd still never shout because it'd make things worse. You're drunk, I'm exhausted, those two things can make people say things that they don't always mean to say, and I don't want either of us to say or do anything we regret by morning."

Dan almost wanted Phil to show him that he was angry, tired, and frustrated. It wouldn't solve anything, he'd just feel like he was getting what he deserved. Fuck his sense of rationality.

Phil continued, "Dan, you know that I love you and that if there's anything that's bothering you, you can tell me - we can try and work through it best we can. If we can't, if it's too serious to keep between the two of us, there are alternatives. But whatever's up, I'll support you." he was silent for a few seconds then took a deep breath. "So, why did you need to storm out of the live show and go binge drinking midweek?"

"Dunno," Dan mumbled bluntly, resting his head against the sofa cushions. He didn't want to act maturely about it all, he just wanted to go to bed and have a hangover the next morning as punishment. It'd be easier to handle than Phil at that moment; a more forgiving punishment, albeit not the one he deserved.

"You do." he felt Phil's hand on top of his. "Was it the chat that was freaking you out? I don't particularly like some of the messages on there but I thought we've learnt to manage it. Did I miss something? Something that made you feel threatened? Uncomfortable?"