are you in love with a notion //phan

(8) 21st March 2017

"Hello internet," Dan greeted his camera as if it were a person, putting an exasperated tone into his voice. At this point, it barely was Dan faking, he was fed up, not really being able to remember the last time he genuinely felt overwhelmingly happy. Hence it was a good day to film something like this; another contributing factor was that he hadn't posted in a month and a half so he was getting nagged at by millions of people and it was an easier video which required less creativity and ideas.

"This isn't alcohol, firstly because despite how deeply disturbed a few of you guys are we should never use alcohol to solve our problems, and secondly because I have none in my house at the moment. Just plain ol' Ribena," he said, picking up the glass and drinking what was in it. "This is me being a good role model, trying my best here - stop judging me like this, don't think I can't tell what you're doing, future viewer."

Dan was obviously still in full detox mode, explaining why he had nothing (aside one bottle of four percent for absolute emergencies only, he was proud of himself because he'd only used it twice or so a week).

"Okay, the first question is from Amanda who is seventeen from Ireland," he said, saying the word 'Ireland' in the most overly-exaggerated Irish accent he could muster. "Dan, I have a problem. A fish problem. To summarise my issue: I have a fish phobia. My mum bought us two fish and I've been afraid to go into my lounge for a week now. They don't blink and the way they move their mouths are gross they just creep me out - should I tell her? Okay: fishes are a bit weird in general, but they're not scary and pet fish won't and can't do anything to hurt you. Leave them alone and they'll leave you alone too, honestly, even if you don't leave them they still won't be interested in you, which sounds like I'm describing my love life but I'm not. You'll be okay."

Dan's phone then started to ring from his pocket. He stopped the camera recording and lifted the device from his pocket to see Phil's number on the screen. He was almost tempted to ignore it but something told him not to do that.

"Hey, is something up?" Dan asked, figuring Phil was calling him because something bad had happened, because why else would he call?

"Just wanted to see how you're doing. Seemed friendly so," Phil responded, letting his voice trail off a little. Apparently, there was another reason he'd called.

"Ah, okay. Yeah, I'm good, I've been recording today."

"Did I interrupt?"

"No I'd, erm, just finished actually." he'd just started but that wasn't the point. Dan sort of wanted to actually hear someone's voice down the phone instead of Louise just texting him every now and again.

"Cool."

"How's Annie doing?" he questioned, unsure of whether that topic was off limits or not.

"She's alright, she's been busy recently, work's stressing her out so she's having to stay late to get everything done. I'll be forever grateful for my brilliantly non-conventional job."

"That's one perk I guess." a second perk was the seven-digit figure in his bank account.

"And about that live show, sorry to change the topic, did I mess things up?"

"No, not at all." if Dan was being honest he'd say it was actually helpful. The only time it was mentioned was in posts about not mentioning it because he didn't want them to, which sort of defeated the object but he was thankful for fan's understanding all the same.

"Thank God. The chat was being swarmed with comments and I just didn't know what to do. You haven't even told me why you've been there - and, really, why would you tell me? I wouldn't expect you to. But I knew I couldn't lie about it or just tell thousands of people that I didn't know, we're supposed to friends, at least to them."

Dan wasn't sure of whether Phil knew why he was there and denied knowing to be polite or because he was genuinely in the dark about it. "Yeah, lying's bad," he mumbled in agreement.

"You've never seen my new apartment, you know?" Phil suddenly changed the conversation for the second time.

"I wonder why, Phil," Dan said sarcastically, wondering if jokes about that were appropriate after five years. "You've never seen mine either."

The decision to both move out of their old London apartment was a mutual one (not that they lived in it together for long, only a month or so). Dan had also decided that the apartment was cursed or haunted or something like that; it was only after they'd moved in that their relationship became ruined beyond any hope of repair in the near future. Too many bad memories had been made so they both just left and never looked back.

"You could always come over and I'll give you the grand tour."

"Yeah, I could. Friday?"

"Erm, yeah, sure," Dan said, quite surprised, not realising that Phil would take what he said so literally. "I need to see if you've gotten good enough at Mario Kart to actually beat me for once."

"I'd say we're both just as good."

"Well, I disagree."

"Only one way to find out."

"It's on."

"You're not ready."

"Always have been, always will be."

"No more bad smack talk, please. I can't deal with this anymore," Phil pleaded.

"You're no fun. Anyway, I have to go, I have a video to finish."

"Wait, what? I thought you'd finished recording?"

"I lied. See you Friday."

Dan then hung after a brief goodbye and began to type out a text message.

Message to Louise: in what circumstances is it normal and/or acceptable to invite ur ex to ur house to hang out as strictly friends?

She responded a few minutes after.

Message from Louise: I'd say never but you two always have been the exception to the vast majority of people

Message to Louise: hey u invited me to that party so technically it's ur fault that this is happening :/

Message from Louise: yeah yeah just don't fuck anything up and stay sober I know you can do it :)

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wow it's been like 5 weeks I'm sorry, school's been rough atm but I should have more time to write now