are you in love with a notion //phan

(10) 28th January 2012

2012 x present angst train all aboard. and I've switched around dates of certain things bc this plotline needs to happen within a year.

"I think you should get closer." Dan was almost out of the shot in the middle of their live stream, and fans were beginning to ask questions.

"I'm close enough," Dan replied coldly. He didn't particularly care at that point, they'd speculate and dig, borderline stalk, to try to find little pieces of information and 'evidence' from every single thing he did, regardless of what exactly he did (or didn't do). He felt as if his audience were picking apart his life with a fine-toothed comb. Dan had to monitor every word, every action; if not he'd land himself in yet another situation he couldn't wholly explain. Maybe the only difference would be it being Dan filling in dozens of copyright forms for certain footage that should remain private and personal the second time.

"I don't have a disease." Phil, ever the sanguine one of the duo that Dan now hated, tried to brighten the mood with a warm smile and look as if to say "Hey Dan, everything's alright"
But, of course, to no avail.

Dan still didn't move. Didn't care to. Everything wasn't alright. The comments from fans were enough to keep him well out of the shot.

"Erm, okay. It's either a disease or an incredibly minor restraining order. Perhaps Dan's like one of those dogs who can detect illnesses. A friend told me something about that, about this really friendly dog would go up to everyone but this one lady. Turned out that this dog could somehow detect that this lady was suffering from —" he suddenly stopped speaking. "Dan, where are you going?"

"Out. In a bit, Phil. Bye, everyone," he answered almost robotically and walked out the door. If he wasn't so pissed off with everything at that moment in time, he just might have stayed.

Dan could hear Phil carrying on with the live-show as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened as he got further and further away.

It actually felt good, being away. Not away from Phil, his boyfriend whom he was very fond of; but from Phil, his other half. The other half of their branding, the other owner of their shared bank account, the one who paid half their rent, one half of the speculated relationship that no one would stop talking about.

Just to be his own person, to be plain Dan, not 'Dan and Phil' Dan, or 'That Guy Who's Probably Dating That Other Guy' Dan, was amazing. He could be one whole, not a half.

They didn't have one channel between them, they just lived together. They were separate personalities on separate channels and Dan couldn't tell why on Earth it was so difficult for some fans to comprehend the fact. Dan. Phil. Simple.

Thank fuck that he lived in Britain was all he could think about at that moment. There was a pub at least every three streets, and in the midweek there were fewer inhabitants compared to on the weekends.

Dan quite liked being there. Low dingy lighting, a football match he couldn't care less about playing on a small TV mounted in the corner of the room. He'd take a few rowdy football fans over YouNow comments any day. Pubs were hardly his favourite places, but he'd realised he'd been visiting various establishments more often than he used to. But it was normal; twenty-one years of age, working a rather unstable job with no backup plan, thousands of people on his back all the time.

"You're looking a tad glum, mate," noted a bartender as Dan sat down on a stool.

"Rough day," Dan answered blankly.

"Ah, nah I getcha - pint? Packet of crisps on the house to cheer you up a little? Just don't tell all the football lads, or my boss - she'll be 'aving me if those lot don't."