are you in love with a notion //phan

(1) 30th January 2017

(a/n: this is v cringe but it's supposed to be don't give up on this yet. can I also just say this is practically how my friend and her boyfriend of eight months got together - I've listened to the voicemails on her phone so I'm not even being that unrealistic here. drunk people are weird)
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Dan had a bottle of Jägermeister in one hand, a phone with his ex's number dialled in the other and shot glass that been refilled one-too-many times resting on his table - a combination with 'regret' written all over it. He was sat on his couch at a godforsaken hour with his fingers scrolling through his contact list. The device was pressed up against Dan's ear a few seconds later and began to ring as he waited for the person on the other line to pick up.

"Heeeey Phil," Dan slurred over the phone once then ringing had stopped. "it's your birthday so I'm calling you. It's because I'm a good ex who cares, I don't even like you like that anymore."

"Thank you, Dan. But --"

"Fuck, that'll stain the carpet," he mumbled to himself as the open bottle fell onto the white rug that he knew he'd regret buying. "That was practically full, goddamnit--."

"Are you drunk?"

"M'not a child, Phil - I can handle drink." Dan rolled his eyes even though he knew Phil wouldn't have known.

Fuck it, it tastes like cough medicine without mixing with Redbull or something anyway. And I can always get a new rug. He didn't aim to find any carpet cleaner to try and remove the dark colour, but even if he did, the stain probably wouldn't have disappeared entirely. Dan had come to learn that once things became damaged, it was difficult to restore them back to how they were.

"Why are you drinking excessively on a Monday?"

"Not because it's your birthday and I miss you and we'd usually celebrate by doing this," he spoke at such a pace it was practically inaudible. "it's because everyone drinks on a Monday now - it's the new Friday night. See, you're too old to know these things."

"How much have you had?" Phil asked. He sounded tired.

"Dunno. How much have you had, Philly? You and Annie go out? I bet you did!" he teased. "Annie looks a lot like me, y'know? It makes me think you miss me. You're totally lost without me so you've gotten y'self a replacement - practically me with tits, I bet you're over the fucking moon about it."

He had a tendency to ramble when he'd had one too many - not that he cared, drunken actions were just sober thoughts that no one would dare say aloud (at least in his mind they were).

"Please go to sleep before you say anything else you'll regret," Phil responded, not answering the question. "you'll hate yourself for this in the morning as it is."

"Pssh, I already hate myself - my entire career is based on self-loathing." he then started laughing loudly at his own comeback.

He was most certainly not going to sleep; he still felt all giddy and floaty. Dan enjoyed the feeling, so he was most definitely not going to put a stop to it by resting.

"Anyway, you're thirty and unmarried - know wha'tha'means?"

"No. Enlighten me." Phil sighed.