The Thrill of Darkness

Part 36: Charcoal

Sean's POV:

"I... I can't do this. I can't take it all at once. It's too much."

He lifted a hand and gripped my bow, pressing the tip further into his neck.

"I can't live like this, Sean."

He put his other hand over my trigger finger as I watched with wide eyes, unable to move a muscle.

"Please."

What happened next was easily the most shocking and disturbing thing I'd seen in years And considering everything I'd gone through since my fiancee was murdered... that said a lot.

I shut my eyes before the trigger pushed home, my thoughts whirling in my head. Would it be quick? Would it hurt? Would I feel the arrow pierce my own neck through the link?

I couldn't believe that it was really happening. After all this time, I would finally have my revenge, finally see my promise to my fiancee fulfilled. I would finally see her again. Sheila...

Signe.

I went cold as the thought of her filled my head. Oh Jesus... What would Signe do if I died? I imagined her sobbing and cradling my head in her lap, running her fingers through my hair just like I did when I held Sheila's broken body. I imagined Signe's tears dripping onto my frozen, listless face as she rocked back and forth, calling my name, calling me back even though she knew I couldn't hear her.

Just like...

(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())

Lying there on the ground, surrounded by the blood of the girl I'd planned on marrying, I swore revenge above all else.

I vowed to do everything to him that he did to Sheila, make him suffer for stealing her away from me. I would make him pay.

At any cost.

Even if it killed me.

(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())

After all these years, as it was finally happening, I questioned my resolve for the very first time; could I do this? Did I actually need this? Did I really have enough hatred in my heart to let this happen, to abandon the life I'd built and the love I gained in Signe?

Was it worth that price?

(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())

"If you want an apology, we'll be here a long time," Anti said.

I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to throw something, pummel something, to kill something. Namely him. I hated him. I hated him so god damn much!

"Do you really?"

"What?" I asked dumbly. He continued to stare at me, expressionless.

"Clean out your ears, You sound like a broken record. Do you really hate me? Really? What point would there be in hating a lion for eating your pet? Right, there wouldn't be a point," he said with out waiting for me to answer, "It's just the lion's nature. You know good and well it's the same with me."

"You resent me, you resent my nature, but you don't hate me. So the question is," he sat back in the chair, resting the side of his face in his fingers as he observed me thoughtfully, "what's really eating you, Sean?"

I looked at him for the millionth time like he was speaking Swahili. I blinked, once, then twice before letting my gaze fall slowly to the floor. What's really...?

My eyes widened a bit as I realized that no, I didn't hate him. I hated what he had done, I hated what happened, but I didn't hate him; I hated myself. Anti snapped his fingers and pointed.

"Bingo."

(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())(())

And here I was, staring into the eyes of the monster I'd been chasing for six long and bitter years. Only he was different now; Now, he was as broken and weary as I was that night. Now, he was surrendering, begging for death... and I had no idea what to think.

He put his other hand over my trigger finger as I watched with wide eyes.

"Please."

I squeezed my eyes shut and braced myself as he pulled the trigger, making the choice that I never could.

...

...

...

My heart pounded in my chest and roared in my ears as  adrenaline screamed through my veins. I waited for death.

Two seconds crawled slowly by...

Then five...

Then ten...

...

Nothing happened.

Confused, I slowly opened my eyes, looking to Anti for an explanation. He was just as shocked as I was, staring back at me with a slack-jawed expression of awe and fear. He released his hold and let his hand fall limply to his side.

"What... how the fuck..." he whispered, trailing off into silence. I looked down at my bow, wondering if it had somehow malfunctioned.

My jaw dropped.

Multiple strands of black smoke and acid green light surrounded the weapon, somehow holding it in stasis even after the trigger was pulled. I yanked my hand away from the weapon like it had burned me, backing away quickly as it remained floating in the air instead of dropping. Anti dissolved into a cloud of bright sea green and shot around the bow and out of the line of fire, reforming beside me.

"I thought you didn't have shadows anymore," I said uneasily. I slowly turned to Anti to see him staring at me with a guarded expression. He shook his head slowly.

"Sean.... that's not me," he said carefully, as if trying to calm a frightened child. He dropped his eyes as he spoke, looking pointedly at my right hand. A harsh chill made its way down my spine as I followed his gaze.

What the fuck...

A cloud of that same caustic mixture of green and black swirled around my body so that it was slightly obscured, just barely visible underneath the dark aura. The fluid stream of shadow that held my crossbow hostage was connected to my hand.

"It's not me," Anti said again, his voice soft.

"Those shadows are yours."