Sweet Nothing • (book one) jb

chapter twenty-nine

Songs inspired for the chapter: (p.s chapter is short but at least you got 2 in one day.)

Shouldn't come back - Demi Lovato

Listening to this song and writing this chapter at the same time literally had me crying so damn hard. My keyboard was wet and I had to stop writing to dry the keys before they broke.

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"This is all my fault."

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Justin's P.O.V

"I'm Justin Bieber and thank you for believing in me, because Ho fiducia in te!" (Because I believe in you) I screamed into the microphone as the lift was taking me down. My beliebers started to scream as I spoke the ending in their italian language and I couldn't help but to stifle a laugh just for their sake, but it was soon replaced with a frown as I wasn't visible to them any longer.

Through out the whole show, I could hardly concentrate because the thoughts of Alex were swarming through my mind, distracting me. I was upset with myself because I didn't even remember the girl who was my first love and worst of all how I have been treating her.

How could I have been so stupid?

I walked backstage with my head down not paying any attention to the people congratulating me on another successful show. It happened to me every night and I honestly wasn't in the mood to talk to anybody after everything that has happened tonight. I dodged my way past everybody and walked into my dressing room slamming the door shut behind me.

I ripped my single gold glove off of my hand and threw it across the room making it hit the wall. I started to pace around my room, pulling my hair and mentally cursing to myself. I screwed up big time. How could I have not remembered that face? Her face has always been imprinted in my mind and when she actually showed up it decided to disappear?

But she did look different.

Her skin was so pale, her hair was a lighter color, her eyes were so empty and she was so lost. Her whole body and personality changed so how should I have remembered? I knew she seemed familiar to me but no. I had to be stupid enough to not realize. I was so cruel to her and I don't think I could ever forgive myself.

I was so frustrated and angry at myself by now. I've always had a bad temper and now that something like this happened it wasn't good for me.

I was looking at my reflection in the mirror. My face was tinted red and I had wrinkles forming on my forehead from concentrating too hard. Bags were under my eyes from being tired and my knuckles were white since I was squeezing them too hard. I don't know what I was thinking but the next thing I remember was the sound of glass shattering.

I was sitting on the floor, my hand was gushing blood from the glass shards that entered my flesh. The mirror was no longer intact but was all over the floor. I had tears rushing down my face as the blood trickled down onto the floor. I felt like complete trash at the moment and I didn't even care that I potentially injured myself.

"Oh my god!" Somebody screamed, but I didn't care. I was crying in hysterics when somebody placed their hand on my shoulder. I didn't care though. I just wanted to sit here and never be touched.

"Justin!" The person said again. They sounded so concerned for me and it was then I knew it was my mom. She pulled me into her chest as I let my hand dangle freely. The blood was still coming down, but I soon felt a wet cloth being put on it.

"Justin, baby what's wrong?" My mother asked me. By the sound of her voice I could tell she was scared for me.

I was still crying in hysterics and I could barely breathe let alone mutter a few words. I didn't know how to respond to her question because I didn't know what was wrong. All I knew was I felt guilty, like a piece of trash. I don't know how I could ever treat somebody like the way I treated Lexi, and her out of all people.

"H-how could I not see?" I managed to say through my tears. My mom's grip tightened around me and she pulled me closer into her body if it was even possible.

"This is all my fault." I heard her mumble. I could hear it in her voice that she was crying and that made me even more sad. How could she blame this all on herself?

"No mom! You promised her that you wouldn't say anything and you just kept that. You're so amazing and loyal. This isn't your fault. It's mine. I was being stupid." I cried into her chest.

"I was so wrong to her mom. How could I treat her like that? How could I treat anybody that way." I whispered. The tears were still rushing down my face. I don't know how I was able to talk with how hard I was crying.

"Everything is gonna be alright Justin." She spoke but I pulled away from her. I looked in her eyes which were glistening with tears that just wanted to fall. I wiped my eyes to get my vision back to normal but it wouldn't work because the tears kept flowing.

"Nothing is okay mom. I screwed up big time and I'll probably never be able to fix this. I feel so guilty. She's out there somewhere and she's alone. I made her leave and it's not the first time. Nothing will ever be okay." I screamed at her.

I didn't mean to in all honestly, but my emotions were taking control and I couldn't stop it. The tears still flowed down my face as I stood up from where I was lying. I looked around at my surroundings and saw glass was all over the floor and little droplets of blood were here and there. Not only that but Scooter, Alfredo, and Kenny were all standing in the room looking at me with concern.

I rushed past them all towards the door to leave. As I turned the door knob I winced in pain because of my injured and bloody hand. I didn't care at the moment so as soon as I got the door open I ran through the whole arena and out the back door. The tears were slowing down and I only had one thing on my mind.

I need to find Lexi.

I ran through the parking lot, the wind hitting my skin. I ran past a bunch of fans, but luckily they didn't notice me. I ran as fast as I could until I finally reached the hotel. Running through the lobby I made my way to the from desk to see the lady picking at her nails.

"I need a car." I eagerly stated. She looked up from her nails and her eyes went wide. She noticed that it was me of course and began to rummage through some drawers. Tears were now slowly falling down my face and I was lucky enough this lady did not see. She threw me keys but before she could even muster words to me I was out the doors finding the car I was needing.