Sweet Nothing • (book one) jb

twenty-two

Songs inspired for the chapter;

Lean on me - Michael Bolton

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"What happened in the past, is in the past."

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My sobs still surrounded the room as my head fell back into Selena's lap. Feeling abandoned in the moment like I did, wielded me to a source of comfort. I didn't know what I said to her, what I had told Selena until her hand stopped moving on my back. I was still crying when she stuttered out his name.

"J-Justin?" She stuttered.

I was watching her face for any emotions as my body shot up, but all I got was a blank stare. It was like her soul had left her body leaving nothing but a mindless freak. I couldn't blame her though. I would be that way too.

"I knew I shouldn't have told you." I said and wiped the tears that were still falling from my eyes. I stood up and started to walk towards the door just wanting to get out of here. I barely got a foot away before Selena's hand grabbed my wrist pulling me slightly.

"It's okay, Alex. Don't leave, I'm just startled a bit that's all." She said.

I looked into her eyes and finally saw that they were no longer emotionless, but filled with a bunch of emotions that I could hardly read. The tears were still falling out of my eyes as I nodded my head and sat down beside her.

"Nobody else knows about it but Pattie and you." I whispered, trying my best to get the tears to go away.

"Well, I'm glad you, uh, told me." She said. She closed her eyes for a brief second and I knew she was dying to ask a question.

I knew what it was but I wasn't going to just shout my answer. This was not only a sensetive subject for me, but now that I've told her that her current boyfriend---whom she is madly in love with--- use to be madly in love with me, I knew it hurt her. I knew that it was confusing.

She finally took a deep breath and opened her eyes looking at me. "What exactly happened?" She asked.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes letting tears still fall. I knew she was going to ask this but I wasn't sure if I was exactly ready to re-live the past.

But her words from Miami echoed through my mind and I opened them again staring at her.

I can't run away forever.

"Justin and I met each other in the first grade and we instantly became best friends. I went home happy the day we became friends. I didn't have many back in those days so having someone meant a lot to me., I walked in my house after getting off of the school bus found him and Pattie sitting on my couch. That day I found out my mother and Pattie were best friends from high school." I wiped the tears that were falling from my face. "From then on Justin and I were inseprable and when I was 10, I suddenly had this huge crush on him. I never told him though so I continued pretending that it was nothing."

I saw Selena nod her head as she squeezed my hand to continue. Taking a deep breath I did just that.

"One night, when I was 13, Justin walked me home from the library because we were studying for a test. When I walked through my door I smelt something horrible. I was so confused. I followed the smell and found my father lying unconsious in the middle of his bedroom floor. I don't know what happened next, but I was kneeling next to him and the next thing I know Justin was holding me in his arms and he called the police." My sobs only grew louder at the horrid memory.

I heard Selena gasp and squeeze my hand harder as a sign of ressurance, but I only gave her a weary smile as if to tell her I was okay.

"That night Justin took me away. He was singing to me on a bench not to far from my house. I remember he was singing a song that he wrote for me. He sung it to me before but it wasn't until that night that I knew it was for me. I absolutely adored it, the song and his voice." I smiled at the memory.

"My father died that night and Justin told me he loved me and stole my first kiss. He promised me that night that he wouldn't be like everybody else in my life and he would never leave me. But when I was 15, we were suppose to go out for our anniversary and he never showed up."

"He called me and told me he got a record deal and he was breaking up with me. I didn't know what to do so I just said what came to mind. He told me he never loved me and to 'go be a good daddy's little girl and pop some pills'. The line went dead and the next thing I knew I was not the girl I use to be. I stayed out past curfew, smoke weed, cigarettes, and did almost every possible drug I could get my hands on. I was broken. The day I overdosed and found out I had to come here I hated everyone."

My tears were died down by now and all that were left were the stains on my cheeks. I knew my eyes were bloodshot, but I didn't care.

"When I came here I bumped into Justin and he didn't even realize it was me. He didn't remember who I was. Pattie was gonna talk to him, but I bribed her into not telling him. I didn't want him to try and fix things because I know him and he would get distracted with work and try to fix it, try to fix us. But now he hates me and my mother hates me, and I just can't take it."

I closed my eyes once again and counted to 10 so I wouldn't cry again. The stinging in the back of my eyes was telling me I was going to, but I wouldn't allow it. I opened my eyes again and looked at Selena. She had a look of anger and sympathy on her face.

"How could Justin do something like that?" She screamed and stood up. "I should have seen that he was a douche from the way he treated you, but no. I'm too smitten to see it." She had her hands balled into fist as she charged toward the door, but I quickly ran toward her stopping her.

"No, Selena!" I said and she turned around with eyes of confusion. "If you do that he'll remember and then what I don't want happening, will happen. You'll not only lose me, but you'll lose Justin. I know you love him and there's nothing worse than losing the ones you love."

"But he hurt you and said-" She started but I cut her off.

"He doesn't remember any of it so what's the point in making him remember the past? He's successful now and doesn't need problems on his mind. I know he loves you too Selena, and if you go in there and do something you're gonna regret everything." I said.

Selena breathed in through her nose as she slowly nodded her head and pulled me in for a hug.

"I'm sorry for what he did to you." She said.

"Don't be." I ressured her. "What happened in the past, is in the past."

"So then why don't you leave it in the past too?" She asked as we pulled away from each other. I sighed as I watched her wait for an answer. I knew she was right but what happened is something I'm not prepared to let go of.

"If you were in my shoes, you'd understand the hell I went through. What he said broke me and I will never be able to let it go. At least, not yet."

Selena nodded her head understanding of my words. I knew she wasn't understanding of the situation, but the fact she was listening made me happy.

"But I need you to promise me one thing." I told her. "I need you to promise me you're not gonna treat Justin any different than you are now. I don't need him blaming his relationship issues on me too."

Selena laughed and linked her arm with mine as we walked out of her hotel room and down the hallway. "I promise." She said.

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