You Lost Me

CHAPTER 19

Christina got home in the evening as Nate was already there. Max was going to come in an hour so she had time to tell Nate about her pregnancy but not about whose baby it was. She had to go with a lie for some time and it was killing her. She hated lying. But she truly loved Nate. Maybe it wasn't as strong as her love for Adam but she cared for him a lot. And what she was going to say was going to hurt him. Hurt him very bad. She needed a time to get ready for this, for this talk. She needed to think carefully of every single word she was going to say, of every action that her words would cause, everything.

It would be one of the hardest talks in her life. Especially after he would find out that she was pregnant and would get happy about it. The way he behaved yesterday made her realize how much he wanted this baby. But then she would have to let him know that the baby wasn't his.

She postponed the talk for a couple of days till her thoughts lied down in her head, till she realized what was really going on and what to do with all of it.

"Hey" Nate smiled seeing Christina. "What took you so long?"

"I just decided to take a walk" she answered honestly as she tried to cover her real feelings with a fake smile. The only thing she wasn't ready today is to be happy, to smile. But she had to show Nate her excitement. This time was the wrong time to show her real feelings as she had to go with a hateful lie.

"How your appointment went on?" he asked caringly as he put his arms around her waist shutting the distance between them.

"Good" she smiled. "I'm pregnant" she tried to say it as excited as possible but it didn't work well. Though Nate didn't notice it as he took her into his embrace raising her above the floor. She could see how happy he was and it made thing harder for her. Harder to do what she was planning to do. Impossible to tell the truth, impossible to stay in lie.

This hour was a torture for Christina as she was waiting for the moment when Max would finally be back and she wouldn't have to be alone with Nate. She wouldn't need to show all this fake excitement. It was really hard for her as inside she was completely broken. She wanted to cry. Everything was too confused inside. But she needed to pretend. Pretend for Nate.

As Max came she became the usual self. She wasn't expressing happiness and she didn't show any sadness. It was much easier for her as all she needed was to cover her broken heart but she already used to do it. Being broken that's what she mostly felt lately, it was a usual thing for her now.

Before going to sleep Max called for Christina to come to his room. He was already lying in his bed as Christina walked up to him.

"Are you ok, mum?" he asked as she sat on the edge of the bed.

"Yes, why?" Christina asked being a little surprised at how deep Max could see inside her. He was always good at it but she thought he wouldn't notice it today. She thought she was good with pretending. Nate at least believed her.

"You seem sad. Did something happen?"

"No, no, everything is fine" she tried to reassure him. But it was Max, he could see through her. So her words meant nothing to him if he saw that something was wrong with her.

"I know you're lying" Max said concerned.

"I'll tell you some time later" Christina smiled weakly. She loved how good Max knew her but at such moments like this she wished he noticed nothing.

"Ok" he sighed. Christina was ready to get up and go out of the room but he stopped her by saying something she wasn't expecting to hear at all. "I saw Adam today"

'Adam' went through her head one million times. This name always meant a lot to her, but today, now, this word meant much more to her. At hearing this name all emotion woke up inside of her, from happy to sad ones. They were spinning around her body making it ache.