The Doctor

19

The street was bitterly cold, windswept old papers and wrapper along the ground carelessly and it the sky suggested either rain or snow. Stella clutched Anna's hand as they walked along, Anna processing her thoughts so too busy speak and Stella not wanting to push her into saying anything. The sound of Stella's heels on the pavements and Anna's sneakers slapping the ground was enough to relieve tension between the two, it added sound to the silence between them. Stella had just gotten Anna from her first AA meeting, they both agreed they'd start someplace free and if that couldn't tackle it, Anna would pay for a therapist. Stella tried so hard to keep her degree out of the discussion, but after a while, she couldn't any longer and she suggested that the reason Anna struggled so much was because she didn't speak of it at all. Anna knew this all along, she didn't (even though she had) need a degree to see that this was probably a contributing problem. Anna bottled up things until they were overflowing from the bottles and people noticed. Anna squeezed Stella's hand and smiled at her, they both had work tonight and even though Stella would usually be sleeping, she wasn't, she was up and out and all because of Anna.

"Sorry to keep you from your sleep," she said.

Stella smiled.

"It's fine, you needed me." She went back to looking at the ground, but she had to know, she was dying to know. "How'd it go?" she said finally.

"It was... different." Stella looked at her hopefully. "Don't look at me like that, Stel. You know it's only Wednesday, I'll be withdrawing soon and flashing back even sooner. It isn't guaranteed that it'll work."

"I know, I just really want you to be happy."

"I am! I have you and I am happy, it's just a little hiccup."

Stella leant across and kissed her.

"God, your cheeks are freezing!"

Anna laughed.

"I know, but we're right here."

They walked up Stella's front steps, Anna watched painfully as Stella fumbled with the keys in her freezing hands. The group was hell, she'd hated it. She didn't even get through her whole story without choking up and wanting a drink. To make matter worse, she was going through withdrawals from the bottle of wine on Sunday night, Stella wanted to know when they were happening, but Anna was a doctor too, she could look after herself and it wasn't the first time. She was either sweating with a fever or freezing cold and vomiting, it was really only so long until Stella noticed she was off colour.

Once inside they huddled up under a blanket and turned the heater and television on. They were hanging in for their holidays, only two more days and they would have three weeks off together since Anna's parents flew home yesterday and Stella didn't have anyone in America either. There was no talk of them maybe flying over to the UK but Stella had been thinking about it, she didn't want to seem too forward if she announced they'd be spending Christmas with her Aunty. 

Anna swung her legs up into Stella's lap and looked away from the movie and into her eyes. She smiled at her and bit the inside of her cheek, Stella always managed to look good even when she wasn't feeling the best. Now that Anna had gotten to know her, she'd lost all sense of scariness and power, she was kind and just and even a little bit timid. 

"What?" Stella asked. "You're distracting me."

"How?" Anna laughed. 

"You can't look that good and not distract me."

"How rapey of you."

Stella pouted.

"I did not mean it like that, you know it."

"I was just joking," Anna clarified and sighed. "I don't want to go to work."

"Neither, but I have to make a living."

"I don't. I could just go home and claim mental instability and live with my parents."

"Living with your parents would make you mentally unstable."

Anna laughed.

"You're right. Hey, I've got to tell you something."

"What?"

"I'm going through withdrawals. I have been since yesterday at the airport, I didn't want to worry you and I don't want you to worry now. I'm handling it."

"Ok," Stella said simply and turning back to the tv.

"Ok?"

"Yeah, thanks for telling me and I'll keep an eye on you."

"Will I be your patient?" Anna suggested a hint of naughtiness in her voice.

"My patients are only ever speedy recoveries." Stella turned around and mirrored Anna's tone. "Will you have a speedy recovery?" Anna nodded, her breath was taken away as Stella leaned in slowly to kiss her, but she pulled away at the last second and smiled cruelly at her. "Hm, maybe if you get through tonight."

"What, you'll wake me up at 6 am with you freezing feet and kiss me then?"

"No, we'll find a room at work." Stella winked at her and leant back into the couch, closing her eyes in preparation for work.