The Beginning For Something New - Raphael Santiago X Reader

Perfect timing...

We pull away after what felt like hours just staring into each other's eyes "how have you been kiddo?" he asks in a low, caring voice I felt a tear roll down my cheek he quickly pulls me back into his chest, his hand in my hair as his chin rests on the top of my head, and that one tear was the beginning of many more, I started sobbing I was not ok, I needed help...desperately, he started to rub my hair as he held on tighter...

After my break down in the doorway, we walked into his room and sat on his bed."I'm gonna go get you some water, ok? Just... wait here, you won't even tell I'm gone" he told me walking out of the room... if only he knows how loney I felt, how I did notice he was gone, how I had these thoughts again... Jace walked into the room with a bottle of water in his hand, I look up to see him, he looked so sad, he looked hurt like it hurt him to see me like this. I took the bottle of water, drinking some as he sat down beside me "Jace I have to tell you something..." I started "of course, what is it?" he asked curiously "with the thing that happened with my parents, I think it... triggered something?" I replied slightly unsure of what I was about to say, should I even tell him? I mean he's my brother, he has to know...right? "what do you mean?" he asked but I think he had an idea of what I talking about " Jace, I thought about... about self-harm" I finished starting to cry again. He yet again pulled me into a side hug, my brother knew about my self-harm incident that happened a few years back, yes I know a shadow hunter who cut her self, who hated her self, WHO WANTED TO DIE!... I'm a disappointment... I know. 

small time skip

While wiping the last of my tears we hear a knock on the door, Jace gets up to go see who it was... Alec, of course, "I CANT BELIEVE HE WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT, HOW-!" he began screaming as he just walks through the door, stopping his rant as soon as he saw me. I broke up with him but I never really told him why I just said 'you should know' which he should considering the fact that he cheated on me. "Y/N what happened? Are you ok?" he asked kneeling in front of me "I'm fine" I replied my most famous line, my most famous lie. "you don't look fine...listen I just found out about what Magnus told you," he says, I didn't reply, I didn't need to "he was lying" he said... and that was my breaking point, I stud up "LYING? MAGNUS DIDNT TELL ME ANYTHING!" I screamed, he got up "what do you mean?" he asked hesitantly "ALEC I HEARD YOU TWO FUCKING!" I screamed once again, and that was where Jace steps in... "wait, you CHEATED ON MY SISTER!" he raised his voice, Jace then turned back to me "Y/N go back to your room, don't worry about him" he stated I could see the steam coming out of him, his face getting redder by the second. I left the room, Alec deserved everything he's about to get but it still doesn't help how hurt I feel by him, I get we weren't together for long but he told me he loved me, that I was special. I walk back to my room tears staining my face...again, with my bad thoughts flooding back in again...'one cut won't hurt I thought' i rush back to my room, opening the door as soon as possible, I walk into my bathroom taking my razer quickly taking out a blade, it came out easily as soon as it comes out everything stops... was I really about to do this? Start old habits? I hesitantly bring the blade closer to my wrist, it was only an inch away, I let the blade touch my skin, my heart rate instantly getting 10x faster... than... I hear the most beautiful voice ever, the voice that stopped me from what I was doing, the voice that stopped me from doing something I'm sure I would regret later  "BABY! BABY!" Raphael bursts through my door, screaming for me...