trashmouth [r. tozier]

E I G H T E E N

Chapter song: Let Her Go by Passenger

THOSE EIGHT words flung from Eddie's mouth, and crashed into reality. His eyes widen and he slowly let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"But you like Richie and I understand that. Of course I'll let you guys be happy, and soon enough my feelings will get demolished anyway so," Eddie rambled on. His brown eyes found their way to the floor, which he couldn't see well since the light was off.

Under the covers Eddie felt something cold press up against his hand. This made his eyes shoot up. He soon realized that this thing was Ryan's hand. She needed to grab his attention.

"Eddie- I had no idea," She whispered. He could imagine her eyes filling with sadness as she sighed.

"I know you didn't, that was the point," Eddie murmured, pulling his hand out of her grasp.

"God Eddie I'm sorry," Ryan mumbled and let out a small sniff.

"What? Why are you sorry? I'm the one who just confessed my love for someone who is in love with my best friend," Eddie scoffed slightly.

"I done this before, I'll find a boy who I like, but end up leading other boys on. I don't mean to. The doctor I used to see says it's cause I lack a father figure so I adapt to more guy friends," She whimpered out quietly, lacing her fingers in her brunette hair.

"Sweetheart that's not your fault," Eddie sighed and twisted on his side to face her.
With the slight light of the moon, he could see a wet tear fall past her eye and down to her lips. Ryan took the sleeve of the shirt she was wearing to wipe it away.

"It is though, I could of done somethin about my dad. Could of called it in, or... I don't know," She whispered with defeat painting over her words.

Eddie say up, crossing his legs Indian style to face her. Her face filled with half worry and half curiosity. Ryan slowly swung her body upward and faced him.

"This could never be your fault Ryan. Never, you didn't bring this upon yourself," Eddie breathed out, his face fluster from how close they were sitting together.

"You think so?" She murmured out and slouched her back which forced her body to lean forward a tad.

"Of course."

She lets out a shaky breath as she started to glance down at her hands. To stop her from fidgeting, Eddie grabbed ahold of her hands and placed them in his own. Ryan's frigid hands soon melted into his. She looked up at the boy.

"Ryan, don't hate me," Eddie mumbled, just loud enough for her to hear. Her eyebrow scrunched together, sending a confused look Eddie's way.

"I don't, Eddie I could never hate you. You can't stop feelins, but you do understand that I'm still in love with Richie right? Wether he's in a coma or not," she replied.
Eddie huffed out a breath, and took his bottom lip between his teeth.

"Um yeah....But what if I can't stop actions either?" Eddie questioned the girl. Ryan cocked her head to the right a little, and parted her lips as if to say something.

"What?"

Eddie leaned in smoothly and snaked his hands around her neck. Some of Ryan's tangled hair wrapped around his slender fingers. Before Eddie could process what he was doing, he felt his lips on hers.
Right away he could taste her mango flavor chap stick. Eddie swear to himself that he slightly felt her kiss back, until they pulled away. Up until that moment everything switched into slow motion.

"Shit! Fuck! Oh no," Eddie shouted quietly, and stood up off the bed. What he had just done came crashing back into reality. He paced around the room with his head in his hands.
"Ryan I am so sorry, it was in the moment. I know I just told you I would back off but you were here and I-" Eddie ran his mouth like a broken gas petal, too fast and never ending.

Ryan had been sitting on the bed for a few seconds. She was trying her best to take in what had just happened. Her heart seemed to stop beating and her stomach sunk. Ryan scoffed lightly and stood up off the bed. She walked over to her jeans. Eddie watched as she slid them past her feet and up to her thighs.

"Eddie, I- I can understand why you did that," She started and grabbed her backpack by its loose strap. "But it's not okay. Richie is in a coma right now because of me, and I just told you I still love him. Why?"

"I know, Ryan I'm sorry," Eddie sniffed out and faced the shorter girl, who is slipping on her worn out converse.

"I've done a lot of things in my past, but I've never cheated. Ever. Now I'm sorry but I have to go," Ryan muttered, and shuffled to the door.

"Ryan please don't go!" Eddie begged, but the brunette had already walked out of the door, and out of his life.

"Fuck! No!" Eddie mumbled to himself and paced around in circles.
His clammy hands trailed their way up to his hair, and ran through it. Eddie's breathing picked up its pace, as if he had just ran a marathon. His feet carried him to a corner of his bedroom, and Eddie slid down a wall.

"What have I done?" Eddie questioned himself. He felt tears trying to break past the barrier, and his lip began to quiver. Fighting to keep the water works at bay, he bit his lower lip.

"God! I messed up," Eddie whimpered out,

Trying his hardest wasn't enough, because steamy tears slid down his cheeks. Eddie couldn't hold back anymore, so he let go. His chest began to bounce up and down uncontrollably. Small sobs escaped his lips, as Eddie bowed his head down. Eddie's cries only became worse, and he was having trouble staying quiet at this point. He had to make this right. Eddie wasn't going to just sit there and wallow in the corner.

He stood up and wiped his face of any wetness, then stumbled over to his clothes. Eddie grabbed a random shirt and some shorts. Once dressed, he shoved his feet into his sneakers. Wrapping his fanny pack around his waist, Eddie walked to the door.

He heard his moms tv show still on as Eddie crept own the stairs. But his mom was snoring so he knew she was fast asleep. Once down the stairs fully, Eddie slid out the front door.

Cold air hit his face like a brick, and Eddie shivered slightly. He didn't care though, all he cared about was making this right.

He had to go talk to Richie, whether the Trashmouth could hear him or not.