trashmouth [r. tozier]

0.4

chapter four
"I want to know you"

RYAN FELT her back cement into the padding of Stanely's loveseat, her back kissing the navy fabric as her back cried out in pleasure. Her heart was riddled with the aroma of confusion as her eyes darted from Eddie to Stan-- who had both shuffled into the kitchen. Why was she there? What made them trust her so quickly? Why were they doing this?

Ryan melted further into the couch as her eyes became dazed, her haunted stare etching into the wall across from her. Her face fell of all emotions, her eyes vacant and her lungs tasting the kiss of thin air. Ryan had always been tough. Her skin was strong-- untouchable and stable. She had only wished that it had been unbreakable too. She was strong, especially her mind. Ryan had catered herself to be hurt. She built walls of steel and witty language to disguise the way she felt. The way she felt every time blood trickled down her innocent flesh. The way she felt every time tears stained her crimson flushed cheeks. The way she felt every time she was beaten to the ground-- feeling how the gravel embedded in the skin of her palms as she pushed herself back up. Ryan catered herself this way in order to protect the little girl that was hidden within her aching shell, hiding deep inside herself.

Ryan held her own hand, fighting against the world that seemingly had turned its back on her. She was young, tired, but oh so relentless. Ryan would fight until she fell and faltered forever. She couldn't bring herself to ever stand still.

"Ryan?" Eddie repeated himself, finally reaching the girl's stare. "There you are," He murmured to himself. "Are you okay?" Ryan blinked a few times. She turned toward him slowly before nodding her head.

Stan leaned against the kitchen door frame, cradling a mug in his hands. He watched their interaction with hesitation, noting the lifeless exterior that Ryan gave. Her sage-stained eyes were darken, seeming void of all color at all. Her skin was pale with worry and her hair was matted to her skin from the rainfall outside. "Hey," He called out, breaking apart the short lived conversation the pair were having. "The others are going to come over-- everyone except Bev," Stan explained softly as he kicked off of the door frame. "She didn't think she could sneak out tonight."

Ryan felt her face drop even more. "Oh," she murmured as she brought her knees up onto the couch. She held them to her chest.

Eddie sat down next to Ryan. "What's up?" He asked.

Ryan shook her head. "Oh nothing," She replied. "Just going to miss her, that's all."

Eddie nodded. "She can usually hang out, but her dad is a little uh," He paused as he gazed up at Stan. "protective."

They knew as much about Beverly as they knew about Ryan-- only what she wanted them to. Beverly never gave details, or blatantly explained what exactly was happening behind the privacy of her front door. But the boys knew that Beverly's scars were different from their new friend's. They rested within her mind. In her memory, to be stationed there for all eternity. Beverly was haunted by the bane of her own existence. Ryan was scared by hers. Both injured, both burnt, both just trying to survive.