Carlisle's Diary

From Beyond The Grave

"Hello son."
"F-F-Father, is that really you?" I finally stuttered out in what sounded like a whisper.
"Yes, son it is really me." He said with a nod.
"W-what are you doing here? And why now?"
"Well, I understand that some spirits travel with certain possessions. When you were given my journal by your wife, I was allowed to come forth and make contact with you."
"What do you mean, you were allowed? I'm sorry this is just so much, I want to understand." I said earnestly my eyes never leaving his; taking all of him in.
"I'm not sure how it works but now I have come to you. I wanted to let you know that your mother and I are indeed together. Even though I wasn't able to live out my life with her; at least I can live out my afterlife with her."
"That's, that's wonderful! I'm glad you two are together at last." I said as my father smiled. Then he grew somber again as I'm sure he knew what I was about to ask him.

"Father, you know what I am." I made it sound more like a statement then a question.
"Yes, I do."
"I am not a monster. I'm not a murderer....in fact I have never killed a single human being in all of my centuries of existence."
"I know. It was hard to understand at first but when I realized you were in fact not dead....but...I wanted to find out what happened that night that made you....whatever it is that you are......" His voice trailed off as he struggled to speak.
"I am a vampire; that is what I am but that doesn't define me. That night it happened just as those who survived told you except instead of dying, I spent 3 days in that sewer scorching alive on the inside as the venom from the bite took possession of my body." He flinched as I explained it to him.

I decided to spare him the scary and gruesome portions of my life instead telling him how I watched him from a far until I moved to continental Europe and how my life progressed from there all the way to present day in 2014 in New Hampshire. He listened very patiently and then said:

"I have to know. Are you a doctor? Did you fulfill your passion?"
"I am, yes. I have studied in the best universities in the world as well as worked in some of the best hospitals in this country. That's one of the perks of being immortal; you don't sleep so you can pursue your life's passions." I said with a smile. My answer seemed to please him as I remembered the last entry in his journal.
"That's wonderful, son it really is. I.....I....I'm proud of you. But I think you already know that from reading my journal; we both are your mother and I." He said with a small smile that barely touched his eyes.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My father had actually said that he was proud of me! My immortal soul seemed to grow wings and fly into the heavens. And on top of that to hear that my mother whom I technically never met, felt the same way....was indescribable. I think my eyes were bugging out of my head and my jaw was somewhere near my feet because my father's smile grew wider.

"I...I...I...yes I knew it from reading your journal but it's still nice to hear it. I never realized that that is what I was missing in my life; your approval." I said honestly. I wasn't afraid to admit it.

"Yes, you are something that I used to hunt and destroy but most importantly you are my son and that erases everything else. It took me a while to come to that realization. I still wish I hadn't spent all those years chasing evil or what I perceived as evil but instead raised you and let you pursue your dream....as....as....a human being. I feel responsible for making you this way. Son, can you ever forgive me?" He bowed his head then as I saw tears roll down his translucent cheeks. He had come to me to make peace once and for all.

"Father, please listen to me. It's not your fault for starters; I don't blame you and never did. You did what you thought was right at the time. And I have come to peace with what I am and even grateful because of the family that I have and get to spend an eternity with. And though it's true that I may never join you and mother in the afterlife but at least you know, I'm safe, I'm happy, and I am at peace. I want you to be too. So please release the guilt from yourself. You don't deserve it." I said walking closer to him though not touching him.

We stayed like that for a while as I silently comforted him and received my own silent comfort in the fact that my father was accepting who I was and what I was. It had taken centuries but it had finally happened. And boy did it feel good. The best way to describe it was like the very first time I fed on those deer back in England shortly after becoming a vampire. The strength that surged through my body then now was surging through my heart—which I felt had come to life once again—and soul. Like sweet nectar nurturing every fiber of my being. I felt like I was glowing from the inside out and had to quickly look around myself to make sure that wasn't literally the case. We've had a lot of 'glowing experiences' ever since the Watchers came to town so just wanted to double check this wasn't one of those times! Thankfully, I was still resembling a man and not a firefly so that was a totally huge plus. My father had regained his composure by that time and had met my eyes with kindness. I knew it was time for him to depart.

"Thank you my son, my one and only child. I can now live out the afterlife in peace knowing you are well and not in some hell. Your mother nudged me into coming here and she sends her love. She is also very proud of you. You have become the man I always wanted and wished for you to become. I am very glad I came, very glad indeed. Women are always right, you know." He said with a small laugh. I nodded and laughed along with him.

"Yes father they are, I've learned that with my own wife quite well." I said thinking of my beautiful Esme.
"Be well my son. I am proud of you always. I love you very much." He said as he started to drift away.
"I love you too father; be at peace always." I said just as he vanished from view.

I stood there for I don't even know how long except I noticed the sun start to set and I knew my family was waiting for me inside. I couldn't believe what had just happened......had well.....actually happened. But I knew it wasn't a figment of my imagination just from what had happened previously with Tanya and Irina. These things do in fact exist. There is an afterlife where our loved ones can live out the rest of eternity. It brought me peace just thinking about it. I walked back to the house with a small smile on my face, ready to tell my family what had happened. I hadn't felt that calm in...well perhaps forever.

Just as I walked into the house through the back door, Alice gasped and went into vision mode as the doorbell rang. Bella had gotten to the door at the same time as I did and she stepped aside to let me open it. When I did we all were stunned to see Bella's old 'friend' from Forks High School; Jessica Stanley was standing on our porch her eyes blazing. Before we could utter a word, she said:

"I know WHAT you are! And I will EXPOSE you to the WHOLE WORLD!" She spat out vehemently producing a tape recorder out of her sweatshirt pocket.

To be continued......

~Carlisle Cullen