Carlisle's Diary

Looking Back (First Entry)

Dear Diary:                                                                           April 22, 2013

 

        I think this whole diary writing thing is becoming contagious.  The whole family plus the wolves are keeping track of their daily lives. I never thought my life was that interesting really. Well if you disregard all the constant drama. I have kept medical diaries of possible cures and breakthroughs but something about myself? Hmmm....well I guess I'll just have to try and see and hope that I don't bore you to death. I am sitting in my study writing this and just thinking back to when I had first transformed my beautiful wife Esme into an immortal. So much was going on at that time. Not to mention that despite being a relatively smart man, it took forever to figure out what I was actually feeling for Esme. I guess love or the definition of it cannot be found in medical books.   

        Just thinking about her, makes my heart sing and me smile. I'm glad Edward and Bella are at their cottage, because I doubt he would have wanted to hear all that's going on in my brain. Sometimes all the love makes him feel a little woozy. I'm so happy he's found Bella. So I'm going to start this new diary by telling you about what it felt like those first days, weeks, and months after Esme became one of us; a vampire.

November 5, 1921

        As I waited for Esme and Edward to get back from their errand, I was glad they were getting along so well. Though I had no idea where they had gone, I somehow sensed that Edward needed a maternal influence and Esme was the perfect woman to give him just that. I stood in my study and looked out the window. Quickly enough I was lost in thought.  I thought back to when I first encountered Esme as a little girl when she had fallen from that tree and broken her leg. Something about her kind, soft eyes made some part of my soul flutter. Vampires aren't supposed to have souls or so the myths and legends say. I disagree. I truly believe that even when our hearts stop beating upon total transformation, we keep our souls if we so choose.

        She was but a young girl and yet I knew that I would never be the same after seeing her just that one time. I knew she would grow into a lovely and loving woman. I also knew that any man that would become her husband would be extremely lucky to have her. Never in my wildest nightmares did I envision her with the brute she ended up with and who ultimately cost her, her true love and her precious child. Even her very life, I shuddered at the thought of the memory of it all. That's the other thing sometimes I wish vampires didn't have. Unlike humans, our memories post transformation never disappear. We go for decades, centuries, and even millennia remembering every little thing.

        I decided to not dwell on the evil and thought more of what it felt like seeing Esme again in the morgue and deciding to turn her. I was selfish, I admit. When I saw her so close to giving up and dying.......I couldn't bare it. Those young soft, kind eyes were in my head. I felt something inside me turn over. My soul, my dead heart, seemed to take off like a million galloping horses. No! I couldn't let her die! I remember thinking the word "Mine". But how? What did it mean? She wasn't mine! She was someone else's. But she was there all alone. She jumped off a cliff! A cliff!! Why would my Esme jump off a cliff?

        There I went again with the word "mine". I had a decision to make. I had to save her and there was only one way. She had to become one of us. I would turn her but not there.....not at the morgue. I wanted her as comfortable as possible for what she was about to endure. So I grabbed her body in my arms and whisked her away to our house. Edward was surprised that I had brought her but not by much as he had already heard my thoughts. He looked at me knowingly.....a little too knowingly it seemed, then smiled a bit, nodded, and walked away.