Precious Love (SaiDa ff)

Chapter 9 The Fade Away

Dahyun's POV


Cold. Damp. White. Bright. Damn. Looks like I'm here again. Maybe next time we'll go all the way.

 Hospitals just make me feel more sick. The metallic smell of the medical equipment and the faint odor of disinfectant burns through my nose but most of all, I just feel my weakest when I'm in here. Everytime I lie here, I feel like I'm floating but not the good kind of floating. It's the type of floating where you just want to feel the ground under your feet but you just can't. It makes your breathing shallow and quick.

You'd think that after spending nearly 3/4 of my life here I'd get used to the environment, but no. I grew to hate it more and more. It wasn't so bad at one point. She was there for me. But of course, it was too good to be true. I was left alone when I needed her most. I could never blame her. I was getting worse and she claimed she couldn't take it anymore. 

Flashback

"Dahyun-ah... I don't think I can keep doing this anymore..." She looks at my hand and gives it a tight squeeze. I can feel her teardrops falling onto my skin and I could hear the tremendous hurt in her voice. I never meant for you to feel this pain.

"Mimi baby... I'm trying to get better... For you... For us..." I could barely speak up with the nasal cannula up my nostrils and the tubes hanging a bit too low near my mouth. She notices this and gently adjusts it for my comfort. She brushes her fingers against the strands of my loose hair and tucks it in back in place.

"You'll be fine without me baby... You're strong... You were always so strong..." Her glossy brown eyes now meet my own. She didn't have to put it in to words, I can already feel and see it in her tired eyes. She wanted her freedom. Freedom from this world of pain where I dragged her in to. I wanted to set her free, but I couldn't. I couldn't lose the only thing that was important to me now.

"Mimi... Please don't leave me... You're a-all that I have... i-I love you Mimi... " I croak and my tears just cascade down my face. I look up and I see her tears falling down as well. I wanted to get up and hold her in a warm embrace, but I couldn't even sit up. I wanted to tell her it was all gonna be alright, but I couldn't speak up.

"You have your parents and Chaeng and Jeong... Maybe they can be there for you if you let them Dahyun,but as for me... I can't bear seeing you like this anymore..."

 I can feel my chest tightening but I won't let her notice it. It's been always about me but not this time. I feel her hand slip away under mine. I feel a deep pit in my stomach opening up. My chest feels like it's getting crushed now. I try and hold onto her but I couldn't move.

"Goodbye Dahyunnie... I'm sorry... I love you so much my baby..." She gets up from my bedside and I catch glimpses of her running to the door with her hand on her face and tears streaming down.

"No... Don't go... Please... Don't leave me..."

And just like that, she left me. 

End of Flashback

 "No... Don't go... Please... Don't leave me..." 

I feel warm hands cup my cheeks and my eyes shoot wide open. I was enveloped in a cold sweat. I was out of breath like I had ran a marathon. Okay. That felt too real again. I take a gulp, move my eyes left and right and see that I was in a ward. I turn my attention to the hand on my cheeks and follow its arms and see that it was Nayeon who was gently patting my face with a warm towel.

"We won't leave you Dahyunnie. We're here for you." She says with a soft smile. I wanted to say thank you, I should say thank you after all that they've done for me but the words that came out of my mouth were anything but gratitude.