A story of an Emotionaless Fuck

C9

Huh... Hi? Hello! Ummm, this may be a little bit confusing. How can i say this? Huh here, Hello my name is Akari!

Yes, Yes, you may be confused of why i am here. Well i found Jason's book when he left frok school. I was curious of what was its content.

Lets just say that im mindly confused of how he writes, calling me a mountain, calling my dear friend Holly an Ikea Table for some reason.
I do like furniture and geography but what does it have to do with us? Its just really confusing to understand Jason sometimes, please forgive him.

How did i found the book? Well, huh... I found it in the girl's locker room. Knew it was Jason's when there's this written on the cover.

Jason's Jasoness. Vol. 1
(if found, please return to Jason. The cool kid)

As i am writing now, Jason is blaming the Janitor for losing it.He pulled YiYun to find it, they never returned ever since. I should find them around the school later. Dont know why he is so angry and mad that he lost this book, but i assume that's its because his diary...

I shouldn't be writing on this should I? Ummm, it is mean that i am ruining his personal information. I am good friends with him and all of that. But he gets so...Annoying sometimes. Its against my attitude that i should get angry on someone, especially when that guy is my Boyfriend's best friend. Prince... I love you so much.

Ummm, this is confusing for you. No beginning, no plot or anything like the other writings before this. Its more like a story book, well our lives are our stories as well. We should write our paths, choose what's gonna happen, and end it when we want it. Oh Gosh, im sorry. Got a bit sentimental there.

Lets start from the beginning. Hi, Im Akari! I live in Japan, with my father which is the Prime Minister. He sent me to this school so that i can have a foreign education and hope that i can have the best future for me.

My mother died in a tragic car crash, all she left me was this Hair Clip i have been always wearing. She may be gone but this Clip makes me feel that she is here, with me, guiding me to a better path. That at hard times when i feel so alone, frustrated at school and betrayed by someone you love. This clip reminds me to be have compassion, love and keep on smiling to bring joy to everyone. Im so sorry, its just. I give little things importance. Its what i have been always doing, give small things importance to teach myself to be satisfied with what i have.
I started to say things didn't I?

Lets continue. On my first day of school, everyone wanted to be my friend. One of the happiest days, imagine having a lot of friends you can trust on. Eventually i knew everyone and became friends with them, i was happy about that everyone is satisfied with what i do. Which is really not much, i know i may not be smart, have no talent but i do the best i can for everyone. As long as i have fun, it keeps me going.

Its really hard when i have to reject those people i dont know. Its hurts my heart that i am hurting them by saying no to them. Constant rejection can be stressful, hard to do it. But what must be done has to be done, i cant love someone who i barely knew.

Time passed and i know everyone at school now, their lives, and attitude. Every friend group at school already invited me to join them, i was honored. I am still wondering why, i am nkt much anyways, hehe. What do they see in me? Im not that smart. I dont have talent. And I am not that beautiful unlike Holly. Yet they are there to be my friends, i love this school!

Well all except for one certain group, well more like of a trio. Prince and his knights is what i call them. They didn't have any interest in me, never bothered to talk to me, or even notice my existence. Which was kinda, sweet? In a weird way? I like to think that they care for my personal life and leave me be, unlike everyone who always asks me about this and that.

I got my eye on the quiet smart guy, Prince. His blonde hair, sky blue eyes, and beautiful face. It makes me dreamy and just...
Sorry got in the mood there.
I started observing how he is in real life. I was surprised how kind he was! He helped everyone who asks him, talked to a girl who almost jumped from the building and saved his life!
He's a smart guy too, won every quiz bee the school has to offer, always has perfect score in everything. He has skill, talent and just Hundsome!

Ofcourse i was too shy to talk to him, Besides i wasn't worth it for him even anyways.You can just go to a person and say.

"Hey I think You're Cute! Can you be my Boyfriend!? "

That would be very awkward for him and would be confused what to answer. I planned to only ask to join their group. To get close to him and maybe someday ask him to be my Boyfriend. The lines would be.

"Hi! Can i join your group!?"
Simple as that, no further problems.

The day came, the day asked him that question.
I gathered my feelings up, walkes to them with a smile. Hiding my fear of whatever he will reply with. I was infront of him, my heart started to pump fast, there's butterflies in my stomach, and my mind is startjng to melt from the situation.
He was right infront of me sitting, looking at me in the eyes. Making me blush and just so embarrassed. I forced myself to spit the words out, then my feelings won the battle.

"Huh Prince right? Can I, huh-
Can I be your Girlfriend? "

My mind cracked, my heart dropped and i thought i was about to faint. But i cant, not yet that is. My whole world shattered likw glass infront of me. Great work Akari! Ruin your one chance to get to know him. Let your feelings for him win you over and this what happens.
I started to regret that asking him, the plan at all. I ruined it.
But as my father says

There's always light in the dark

"Meh"
I heard him.

Giving me a chance to regain my downfall,  i asked the question i intend to ask.

"So can I hang out with you guys?"

The the rest is history,  i was so happy that they accepted me in their group.  Well it was hard for Jason at first but he has grown on me.

I quickly acted to be the best for him, i didn't know how to be a girlfriend.  I tried to be cute,  served him,  followed him around, giving him whatever he wants.  But the broken glass shattered once more,  when i heard him.

"We are not in a relationship "

My heart started to ache,  like a needle was piercing it and read to pop.  I just cannot let it show,  i cannot let my sadness spread around me.  Especially to him, he may have hurted me unintentionally. But i still love him for who he is, i wont give up.  I will learn what kind of girls she likes! Be the best girl she ever new.

There are times when he was giving me hope.  Caring what other people think of me by saying i should wear or cover up.  Buying me ice-cream one time was a delightful experience. Giving me his time and effort to hang out with some worthless girl,  which is me. All in all,  i cherish those small things.  Cuz that's all i have for now.  Be happy with it and keep on smiling!

Jason would cut in and trigger my obsession with him,  reminding me that he has... Abs...
Oh my gosh,  im so sorry.
I just use it to have thoughts where he is the perfect guy for me, to live my life with. 

Its so sweet of him to acknowledge my existence,  everyone does that but somehow he is the one who feels important.  I feel guilty that i cannot give much back,  after all the effort he has given me.  I feel so bad that i cannot be the girl he wants,  i want to be the girl he wants!  Ofcourse ill change and do whatever i can for him! I love him!

Its getting late and i should return this book back to Jason.  Its strange they didn't came back,  i better find them.

Truly yours,
Akari.

Hugs and kisses!