staying behind with you | bellarke

chapter 3

''Are you feeling better?''

Clarke asked calmly, as Bellamy hummed in response.

They were still in the same spot, embracing the metallic table as if it was their new home. Bellamy was still adapting and Clarke didn't want to risk it.

It had been hours since it all first started. They were hungry and thirsty, but where they would they even go, considering most of the planet was still burning and the rest was strictly summed up to ashes?

''Clarke, we should get going.''

''We have nowhere to go..''

She was beyond tired and stressed out. First, she didn't got the chance to say goodbye to her mom, then she almost lost Bellamy, and now they're lost in hell.

''We need to eat and to drink, I have no idea where or how we're doing it, but if we don't, we'll die in vain.''

Bellamy was right.

''You're still readjusting, you're still weak-''

''I'm weak because I haven't eaten. Clarke, trust me.''

Bellamy stared intensely into Clarke's eyes. She slowly nodded, giving up on her own statements. She was starving, she wasn't thinking straight. She also trusted Bellamy. Blindy, even.

*

The former leaders had been walking for a while now. Bellamy had his arm around Clarke's shoulder, while she had her arm around his waist. They thought it would be for the best, since Bellamy's legs were still shaking and weak.

Sometimes it rained but luckily for them it was regular rain, not black rain. Every now and then, they would lift their heads up and just agressively drink the drops, trying to end with their thirst. The rain also helped them by erasing some small fires visible everywhere.

There were no animals, no healthy green trees or flowers, there wasn't a river with flowing water, there was nothing. Just two people, walking along a road made of ashes.

They tried to make chit-chat, tried joking with each other, making fun of the others up in space or down in the bunker. Nothing really helped. They knew they would die soon.

''Jasper, he... He really was something. He had everything to make the world a better place. In fact, he expected the world to be a better place.. And when he realized it sucked as much as the ark, he just- I don't know Clarke.'' Bellamy made a slight pause. ''I wish his destiny had been different.''

''..Clarke?''

Bellamy looked at the blonde girl, who wore watery eyes and a sad smile on her lips with class. She didn't say a word, she only drowned in his words.

She knew she did it to him. All Jasper wanted was to have fun, to be surrounded by his friend, to be treated as a hero (which he was), to have his girlfriend that he loved by his side. She took it away from him. She took all the joy... damn it, she took his life.

His soul, his entire being, died with Maya on that day. Yet, his body kept moving and pretending to be alive, just so Monty wouldn't fall in a dark, depressing cloud.

Clarke knew that if she hadn't been so stubborn, so eggocentric,.. she knew Jasper would be up in space, with Monty, probably making new drugs. Maya would be there too, experiencing life as she never got the chance before.

It was her fault. This had always been her fault. She wanted to help her father, she got him killed. She despised Wells, he went down to ark and died in vain. She listened to Finn, he died for her. She softened Lexa, she died weak. She killed them all. She took all their lives. And yet, no one dares to take her life away, no one dares to kill the murderer.

She looked up, with a concerned Bellamy gazing into her eyes. He was so worried... He cared about a murderer.

''Bellamy, you have to kill me.''

Clarke whispered secure of herself, with tears threatening to roll down her face.

''What?''

''Kill me.'' She spoke louder, removing her arm from his waist. ''Kill me! Kill me!'' Clarke started screaming. ''I killed Jasper! It's only fair if you kill me too,''

''Clarke, you're not making any sense-''

''Kill me! Or I'll do it! Just, please,'' She was a mess, her voice was breaking, her eyes were swollen. ''Please Bellamy, I can't do it anymore. I can't bare to see them in my sleep again... Please.''

''Clarke-''

She started running to a fire near them, she wanted to disappear. She wanted to sacrifice herself, she wanted to honor the dead ones in some way, she wanted to do something so she could finally be in peace.

Bellamy had an horrifying look in his face. He knew it wasn't Clarke's fault. He knew Clarke just tried to keep the humanity alive, she just wanted to renew Earth, to make it great like it had been 100 years ago.

''Clarke, please!''

He ran after her, not caring the slightest bit wether he was injured or not, wether his entire body was screaming for him to stop... nothing mattered anymore.

Clarke was reaching the fire, she was ready to jump right to it. She was ready to feel her entire body burning until she disappeared like all the trees, like all the plants and flowers that were once around them.

But Bellamy couldn't let that happen. Bellamy grabbed her body and pushed her to him so hard that they both fell, not touching the fire by mere luck. Maybe it was faith, but none of them believed in that anymore.

Bellamy grabbed Clarke with all the strength in the world, like his life depended on it.

And in some way it did. Clarke believed in him, she helped him, she cured him.

''You aren't a murderer, I'm not a monster. We're just messed up, but all we did- Clarke, it wasn't because we're selfish or because we're horrible. We did it to save our loved ones and to save this planet, that we only dreamt of living here once. You're no murderer. Jasper doesn't hate you, your father doesn't hate you. Neither does Wells, Finn... or Lexa.''

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