staying behind with you | bellarke

chapter 16

That night Bellamy fell asleep quickly. His bed didn't seem uncomfortable anymore and his pillow seemed like it was embracing his head and neck perfectly. His body was relaxed, his mind wasn't trying to find subjects just to stay awake.

He dreamt more than one time that night, but every dream had one thing in common: the blue eyed, blonde haired girl sleeping on the other room right now. He didn't think it was weird, he got used to those dream, since they were pretty frequent. Dreaming about Clarke was a habit and he would never get tired of it, probably.

He would dream about her in a white dress, with a flower behind her ear, her blonde hair curled again and shining as much as the sun. Her wide smile, her deep blue eyes. She was completely glowing, standing out on that view, filled with beautiful unique flowers and a wide river.

Bellamy would always dream about Clarke on Eden, he could never understand why. But everytime he asked himself that question, his subconscience would remind him that probably his paradise would look like that.

Bellamy never had many girlfriends. He was picky and the label meant too much for him to just waste it around. So, sure, he did have fun with some girls before, many girls, but it was never that serious.

He thought Gina would change that. He thought Gina would finally make a difference in his life, that she would turn his world upside down. In a way, she sort of did. She did help him, by making him forget all the pain he caused to himself and to others. He was happy with her, but it didn't last much. He blames himself for it. And then he just realized he was better alone, that way he wouldn't hurt anyone, no one would die for him or because of him.

Octavia never left his mind either. The thought of her hating him killed him profoundly. He gave her everything he had and everything he hadn't, he wanted to make her the happiest girl on Earth, he wanted her to have a safe and happy life -- he wanted to give her all the joy he never had for himself. He couldn't handle seeing her down, mourning for Lincoln, grieving and constantly with the hunger for kills. He never thought he would see his little sister like that, and he never thought it would be so hard to support her or understand her.

Soon enough he realized his strength also came from Clarke, she kept him centered. She was wise, the voice of reason, and she was also his safe place, were he could be himself, were he could break down and never be judged for it.

Losing her so many times just made everything harder. Just made every choice he ever had to make a burden. When he met her, he wasn't ready to depend so much on her, but he ended up doing it anyways without realizing it.

Bellamy wasn't sure what this meant, but he couldn't keep it a secret anymore.

He was determined to tell Clarke.

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a shorter chapter, which means I'll update tomorrow again! <3

just to let you know, I'm writing a short story with modern bellarke, called ''giving you the best of me'' :)