staying behind with you | bellarke

chapter 8

Bellamy woke up feeling refreshed, as if he was completely cured. His stomach was, of course, asking for more food, but he didn't mind. Eating that bird the day before had been a miracle and a sign of hope and he wanted to hold on to that until they found more food.

Later that morning, the former leaders decided to finally keep on moving. Their mission was to find Mount Weather (believing it survived praimfaya) and then use it to rest and to find more birds or other animals that may have survived.

''So,'' Bellamy started. ''When we find Mount Weather, what is the first thing you're going to do?''

''If we find Mount Weather,'' Clarke corrects him. ''I want to find some clothes and finally clean myself up.''

''Good... You reek.''

Clarke stops walking, clearly offended, but then she looks at Bellamy's face, who was glowing with his remarkable smirk.

She remembered when they first landed on Earth and when Bellamy wanted to take her wristband desperately off. That time he had also smirked, mocking her, with his partner Murphy. But this time it was different.

In the beginning, Bellamy didn't really care about her, he didn't care if he would hurt her even. Now, his light jokes are followed by his soft, calming eyes that transmit safety.

''Why, thank you very much.'' She rolls her eyes, not able to hide her smile as she keeps walking next to him. ''What about you? What are you going to do?''

''I sure as hell will attack every animal I find. I have to catch 3 meals per day up. We haven't eaten properly in a month-ish, and if my maths are correct I have to eat for like six hours nonstop.''

''You're such a dork,'' Clarke chuckles. ''I don't think you're able to eat for six hours nonstop, but I'd love to see you try.''

''You're on, princess.''

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''Do you think we're close or something? I'm getting really tired.''

''Do you want to rest for a bit?''

''No, thanks Bellamy. The sooner we find it, the sooner we go home.''

''Improvised home, you mean.''

''Exactly. Mount Weather is far from being considered my.. home.''

Bellamy nods at her, a reassuring smile on his lips, as if he wanted her to know how well he understood what she was saying.

''You know what,'' Bellamy licks his lips. ''It's good to be carefree for once.'' Clarke glanced at him, so he would finish his thought. ''I always had to worry about something. About school, about Octavia, about The 100, about the grounders... about you. I, of course, still worry about some of those things, but I don't have to be constantly waking up in the middle of the night and thinking about strategies. Or having nightmares where Octavia will never forgive me, and will never be close to me again, where she in the end dies... and it's all my fault again.''

The blonde girl moves closer to him, squeezing his arm, assuring him that he wasn't alone, that Octavia would never die, that he could finally take a well-deserved break.

''Clarke, you have no idea how good I feel, just lying on the ground and sleeping for hours, without being concerned, without thinking about Pike or death entering in every thought of mine. I guess I wish my arrival on Earth would be more like this. Peaceful, relaxing,..'' He scoffs. ''This is dumb, I admit. But part of me always imagined I would come to the ground, feel the sun on my face, see trees everywhere and just scent every type of flowers on a breeze.''

''Hey,'' Clarke stops, making him stop too. ''It's not dumb,'' She puts her hands on his arms. ''I imagined that too, actually.'' Clarke amusingly smiles at Bellamy, realizing how alike they are, in a way she thought they would never be. ''I thought coming down here would be like a fairytale, and a huge orchestra would be playing while I would dance, with bare feet, on the green grass, carefree and just thinking about nothing in concrete... but then, it was nothing like I expected it. We arrived, people died, I had some arguments with the rebel leader,'' Bellamy rolls his eyes. ''I feared for my life and everyone else's. But I also met incredible people and I'm grateful for that. So what if Earth wasn't everything we wanted it to be? We're here now, we survived and there isn't any threat. This is the break you needed, the break I needed. Let's just enjoy it,''

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''It was supposed to be here...''

''Are you sure?'' Clarke questions, her eyes still hopeful.

''Yes the last time I was here-'' Bellamy stops himself. ''Gina..'' He mutters under his breath, Clarke barely hears it. ''God, I'm such an idiot,'' He puts his hands over his head, screaming in frustration. ''Of course Mount Weather isn't here. It blew up. Echo did it. I can't believe I forgot that. I can't believe I forgot...''

''Hey, it's okay.'' Clarke says, offering him a smile.

''No Clarke, it's not damn okay! I forgot that. I forgot about Gina. I have been forgetting so many things lately. This whole not-eating thing is washing my memories away, my throat is dry, I forget how to breathe sometimes, I gain bruises easily! Damn it, Clarke! What are we going to do now? I don't want to die in this miserable excuse of a planet!''

Saying Bellamy Blake was freaking out was an understatement. He was acting crazy, moving back and forward, screaming and crying in frustration, yelling at Clarke and at himself, blaming the fault on everyone, even though there wasn't really anyone he could blame it on.

Clarke had never seen him like this before. He was always calm and reasonable, he never gave up and never started thinking about the worse case scenario.

''Bellamy, ... Bellamy, calm down'' She tries to touch him, but he won't let her. She sighs, not really knowing what to do.

''We are going to die, Clarke. There isn't a shelter for us, the birds went I don't know where, the bunker is sealed and we have NOTHING!''

''Bellamy,''

''The only possible solution is if we start eating each other. I know, it sounds disgusting. I can't take it anymore and I would never let you-''

''Bellamy,''

''No, let me finish. I would never let you die for me, so if we pull this off correctly, I can die so you will have food for-''

''BELLAMY!''Clarke finally captures his attention, screaming a bit louder than she had expected to. ''Look,'' She indicates for him to look to his left.

And so he did.

What the hell is doing a little girl here?, he thought.

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