Midnight Chats With God

FOUR

Midnight Chat 003. 11:50pm

She looked up to the sky and heaved a sigh. It wasn't midnight yet. She continued gazing, not knowing where to start from.

"God. Probably now I know that you listen to me. I might sound crazy or it might seem coincidental but I want to believe you had a hand in this.

"I know you know about this but I'd like to tell you."

"This morning when I got to the bookstore, I found a book titled 'The Shack' lying on the shelf. It was the last copy on the shelf and it reminded me of myself - lonely. Although I've heard from people that the book is heresy but when I opened it up, the words staring at me were answers to my question. I couldn't help but get it."

"I'm going to read the words out now." She said as she flipped the book open to the marked page.

" "Mack," said Papa with an intensity that caused him to listen very carefully, "we want to share with you the love and joy and freedom and light that we already know within ourselves. We created you, the human, to be in face-to-face relationship with us, to join our circle of
love. As difficult as it will be for you to understand, everything that has taken place is occurring exactly according to this purpose, without violating choice or will. "

"How can you say that with all the pain in this world, all the wars and disasters that destroy thousands?" Mack's voice quieted to a whisper. "And what is the value in a little girl being murdered by some twisted deviant?" There it was again, the question that lay burning a hole in his soul. "You may not cause those things, but you certainly don't stop them. "

"Mackenzie," Papa answered tenderly, seemingly not offended in the least by his accusation, "there are millions of reasons to allow pain and hurt and suffering rather than to eradicate them, but most of those reasons can only be understood within each person's story. I am not evil. You are the ones who embrace fear and pain and power and rights so readily in your relationships. But your choices are also not stronger than my purposes, and I will use every choice you make for the ultimate good and the most loving outcome. "

"You see," interjected Sarayu, "broken humans center their lives around things that seem good to them, but that will neither fill them nor free them. They are addicted to power, or the illusion of security that power offers. When a disaster happens, those same people will turn against the false powers they trusted. In their disappointment, they either become softened toward me or they become bolder in their independence. If you could only see how all of this
ends and what we will achieve without the violation of one human will -then you would understand. One day you will. "

"But the cost!" Mack was staggered. "Look at the cost -all the pain, all the suffering,everything that is so terrible and evil. " He paused and looked down at the table. "And look
what it has cost you. Is it worth it?"

"Yes!" came the unanimous, joyful response of all three.

"But how can you say that?" Mack blurted. "It all sounds like the end justifies the means, that to get what you want you will go to any length, even if it costs the lives of billions of people. "

"Mackenzie" It was the voice of Papa again, especially gentle and tender. "You really don't understand yet. You try to make sense of the world in which you live based on a very small and incomplete picture of reality. It is like looking at a parade through the tiny knot hole of hurt, pain, self centeredness, and power, and believing you are on your own and insignificant. All of these contain powerful lies. You see pain and death as ultimate evils and God as the ultimate betrayer, or perhaps, at best, as fundamentally untrustworthy. You dictate the terms and judge my actions and find me guilty."

"The real underlying flaw in your life, Mackenzie, is that you don't think that I am good. If you knew I was good and that everything -the means, the ends, and all the processes of individual lives -is all covered by my goodness, then while you might not always understand
what I am doing, you would trust me. But you don't. "

"I don't?" asked Mack, but it was not really a question. It was a statement of fact and he knew it. The others seemed to know it too and the table remained silent.

Sarayu spoke. "Mackenzie, you cannot produce trust just like you cannot 'do' humility. It either is or is not. Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved. Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me."

****

The moonlight shone through the window to her face, making her eyes glisten as tears formed.

"God, This sounds like me. It sounds like the questions I'd ask and it's true because I don't know or I have refused to believe you love me. But please help me to believe you love me even when it doesn't make sense. Help me to trust in you. Save me."

She closed the book and continued gazing at the sky. The tears welled up in her eyes begun to flow freely.

"It hurts but help me."

She said and closed her eyes.