All I Wanted Was You (Twilight Fanfiction)

All I Wanted Was You Chapter 1: Butterflies and Hurricanes

"I don't want to sleep," I reminded him. I gave him an excuse that was believable because it was true. "If I close my eyes now, I'll see things I do not want to see. I'll have nightmares..."

He didn't argue with me after that, and I was glad. I knew if I fell asleep I would have horrible nightmares, not about Edward leaving me but of me leaving him. I knew I would dream of how Edward would react when I told him I could not be with him anymore. His heart would break like a piece of ice. His soul would be crushed. His beautiful eyes would show pain and hurt as I said goodbye and imaging his angelic face hold those horrible emotions would be the worst nightmare I would ever dream of. I bit my lip as I glanced out the plane window. I felt as though there were millions of caged butterflies flying around in my stomach trying to break free. I had no idea how I was going to break up with Edward, the most beautiful man in the world, but it had to be done. It had to. I could not be with someone who could leave me.

I remember the day when Edward left me, the memory always plays in my head like a DVD player with no pause or stop buttons. The memory like flames of a fire, burning the flesh of my head engulfing me in overwhelming pain. Every time I tell my brain to stop thinking about that day, it just keeps playing the images of Edward and I talking in the forest beside my house. I remember his beautiful voice telling me he was leaving and I remember my heart cracking into a million pieces, as if it was a glass jar being dropped four feet high. My body started to tremble like a leaf in a tree on a windy October day. I could feel the cold numbness drape over my body like a blanket as I looked up at my beautiful Edward, to see if there was a hint of truth in his eyes. He had promised me he would never leave and I believed him. Perhaps he was playing an awful, mean joke on me and in two minutes we would be laughing and holding each other like we always did. But I knew as I peeked into his scintillating eyes, he was telling the truth, this was no joke. Then he was gone. My Edward was gone. There was nothing for me to do but to cry as the salty tears fell from my eyes like rain drops crashing down from the sky. The trees felt as though they were closing in on me and all I wanted to do was to be held by Edward and tell him I loved him.

After that traumatic day I was a mess. I was alone, depressed and hurt. I could not understand why I was still breathing since I swore I felt my heart break when Edward left. Sleep became very seldom and was replaced with horrible nightmares which kept me up every night. I tried to eat but my stomach felt hollow. During my time away from Edward I felt two things; First I missed Edward like crazy and I desperately wished I could see him again, but later on I gradually became angrier and angrier at him. He had promised me he would never leave and he broke it! I had given him my heart even when I knew the consequences of my actions, and he broke it. Edward broke my heart. He was the one responsible for the pain I was feeling. It was his entire fault! How could he do this to me, I thought he loved me. I guess my angel wasn't really an angel after all. As the anger in my body started to spread like wildfire, the waterfall of tears continuously flowed down my pale face. I did not know how I could move on. I did not know how I could live my life. I was a sewn up doll who could break at the seams at any moment.

Instead of crawling into a deeper depression I used my anger and hurt as motivation to get back on my feet. I could not let my life be destroyed by a man, even if he was the most beautiful man in the world. That is when I started to develop a close relationship with my friend Jacob Black. It was nice to have a friend who was there for me and it was nice not being engulfed in waves of loneliness all of the time. Although he was younger than me he was funny, nice and extremely attractive. He was my medicine who cured away all of my pain and he even glued back the pieces of my heart with his bare hands. My feelings for him never faltered even when I found out he was a werewolf. If I could deal with vampires I could surely deal with oversized dogs with large teeth. However at night, when I was alone and most vulnerable my anger would reappear and cause my body to shake in rage. Then I would feel the hole in my heart emerge and even though I did not want to think about Edward, the truth was I missed him and still loved him. I missed the Cullens and especially my best friend Alice. I tried to suppress feelings of Edward, but his image always remained in the back of my mind. No matter how hard I tried, I could not forget him. I could not stop my heart from loving him either. But I knew my heart would always be scarred, from the knife Edward drove through it, so I tried to distract myself by spending more time with Jacob. It worked because as he began to heal my heart, I started to fall for him. But soon our close relationship declined when he changed into a wolf because he was always with his pack and never with me. I could feel my newly attached heart, ripping to pieces again. I missed Jacob, but I missed Edward and I hated myself for still feeling emotions for him. But every time I saw his face when I did something dangerous I could not help but miss him and hate him at the same time. But there were times when I tried to ignore how much I hated him so I could imagine the way he used to be. The way we used to be. This ignorance clouded my judgment and when I decided to cliff jump to see Edward's face, my love overpowered my hatred for him.