Love and Hate

Chapter Twenty Nine - I Let Go

I sank into a chair and put my head in my hands.

“So they’re saying it’s a spinoff of Antigoddess?” I asked bluntly.

“Basically. Yes.” John replied sadly.

My heart sank and I felt close to tears. I rubbed my face and felt a hand on my shoulder.

“We understand if you want to take your book off the shelves.” Jo reassured.

Nobody could understand the hurt I felt. The one thing I did right was being thrown out as a spinoff. I couldn’t take it then, so I walked out. They couldn’t help me no one could help right now. My life had been thrown off balance and this time I snapped. First it was selling well and now. Now it was spinning out of control. My life was spinning into a pit of anger and I could do nothing to stop it.

 -----

It was the day after the authors had given me the news. Kaci and I were lingering on the High street in town.

“I wanna go into Waterstones.” I said as we walked down the high street in Exeter.

“Well it’s just up there let’s go.” Kaci replied pointing.

We walked up the high street and I stood in front of Waterstones.

“Gwen are you alright?” she asked pitifully.

I faked a smile and nodded. We both walked in and I went to the teen bookshelves. There it was. My book sat on the shelf.

“Are you doing what I think you’re doing?” she asked with a smile.

I picked a pen out my bag and nodded at her. She smiled brighter and stood next to me. I picked out three of my books and Kaci held two while I opened the first one up.

This book took a lot of courage to write.

For my friends. Kaci Ryley, Steve Jones, Isabelle Fay, Janet Prior, Kassandra Nate, Alice Trent, Francesca Prior, Jacklyn Hyde, Ingrid Wrong, Tessa Rowe, Emilia Norse, Katrina Collins.

You are the best thing that ever happened to me.

 

I scribbled on the page and drew two x’s. that was basically my autograph, a scribble. Kaci passed me the next as I put the first back on the shelf. I did the same to the next two books and placed them on the shelf. I mixed them with the other copies so they weren’t all in a row then stepped back. Whoever picked up those books would be very lucky people.

“Ready?” Kaci asked.

I sniffed and nodded.

We walked out the book store and I stopped.

“Kaci, it’s getting dark.” I pointed out looking at the sky, “I always preferred the night to the day.”

“It’s beautiful.” She murmured loud enough for me to hear.

“There’s something I have to do.” I announced.

“What, Gwen what?”

“Just promise me you’ll deliver these letters.”

“Gwen what’s going on?”

“There’s just something I have to do.” Please just do me a favor and deliver the letters.” I begged taking her hands.

I pushed the letters into them and let go. I looked into her confused face and smiled reassuringly. I turned away then and walked with my head down. I couldn’t face it. What I was about to do, I didn’t want to burden her with that information.

I walked stood on the escalator and went up. John Lewis was such a big shop. It was really high as well. I stared out the window as I went up. The stars shined and the place where Kaci was standing a minute ago was empty. She had gone. Good.

I opened the door and cold night wind hit me like a punch in the face. I tilted my head and looked up into the starry sky. It was so lovely I wished I could just suddenly unfurl wings and fly up into it. Then my problems would be over. But there are more ways than that to end my problems. I walked on the concrete floor right up to the edge. I could see the lights from the shops from up here. It was such a pretty sight. I smiled and clutched my bag. I knelt on the floor and scribbled a quick note. Then, I ripped it into tiny pieces and let the wind carry it away. The letters floated away and I watched them go. The book by John Green, Looking for Alaska, the main character’s talent was remembering last words. Well he wouldn’t know mine because I’m alone. It was one of my favourite John Green books. That author really knew how to capture one’s mind. I pulled my hair band out and let my blonde hair fall onto my shoulders. It fluttered in the breeze and swept across my face getting in my eyes. I chucked it onto the ground and stood up. I wouldn’t need that any longer. I clutched my bags strap tightly as I stepped onto the ledge. The wind howled in my ears and I drew my other leg up.

“Well, it’s just you and me now universe.” I said.  “Do you have anything else you want to throw in my face to screw up my life? Because that’s all you’ve ever done. Screw up my life that’s it. Is it karma? Because, I’ve always wondered why every time something good happens to me something worse follows. Karma’s a bitch.”

My fingers were going white from holding my bag strap so tightly but it didn’t bother me.

“Why me though? You could’ve chosen anyone in the entire world and yet you chose me? Pathetic coward.” I yelled into the air.

No one could hear me though, which was good.

“You thought you could make me weak by hurtling all those bad things at me! But no! all it did was make me stronger! Strong enough to.” I screamed into the air.

A single glittering tear rolled down my angry face.

“Well my work is finished.” I continued. “My only regret is…” I let go of my bag and put my hand on my hip.

“I never got to meet Orlando Bloom. Dang it!” I joked.

I laughed to myself and my smile returned.

“Izzy would definitely have something to say about that!” I giggled. “Well I guess as final words go this is the best I can do.”

I raised both my arms, titled my head back and finally, after one last glance at this beautiful city, closed my eyes. 

“I LOVE YOU LEGOLAS!”

And I let go.

Hi guys! So guess what happened? Last chapter coming tomorrow and epilogue Sunday! Comment what you think happened even though it is pretty obvious. Keep reading/voting! Love ya all!

With Love Into_The_Dark_ xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx