We Kidnapped A Psycho. (discontinued)

Tea Bags For Vampires

It's my birthday and I have no one to share it with.

Isabella Jade's POV

It was month six of being a floppy potato and I am still having trouble moving my giant finger arms and giant toe legs.  Burger King and Blonde Unicorn are slowly becoming birds and I feel like a space ma-

Edward- For once.  Can you stop being weird?

Rolling my eyes at the voice I call Edward, I stop writing in my flying book to answer his stupid human-like question.

'I don't know what you are talking about Edward, you are just jealous because I have a lamb chop as a body and you are air.'

'That doesn't even make sense!  Can't you be normal for once in yo-'

'There are more nipples on earth then there are people...think about that.'

'What?  we weren't even talking about that! How the hell did you even bri-'

'Used tampons are just tea bags for vampires.'

 'Seriously, this happens all the fuc-'

'Someone somewhere is meeting the love of there life right now and that's pretty cool.'

'Well...yes it is but-'

'Farts are the ghosts of foods that we eat.'

'If you fucking interrupt me one more fucking ti-'

'Why do our nose run, but our feet smell?'

'Get back to the story Isabella.'

What I'm trying to say but Edward kept on interrupting me.

'Wha?!'

For the past six months I'd been trying to find Burger King and Blonde Unicorn in my dreams, but because they were dumb little shits and hated each other, they never went to sleep at the same time...Like normal whales do. 

Humans ya mean?

So imagine my surprise when they both were asleep at the same time and I could finally locate them in there dreams.

And I know what you are thinking.

Readers.- How is she getting into there dreams?  This is not a magic book.

And your right.  But one night when I was little, I found out how to go into 'Sleep Paralysis' and 'Lucid dreaming'.  If you don't know what either of those is, then I suggest you go to youtube and watch the incredible Shane Dawson and his creepy videos and Conspiracy Theories.  But what Sleep Paralysis is, is when your body is asleep but your mind is not.  You can not move and you can try to scream as loud as you want but it only comes out as a faint mutter.  A way to go into sleep paralysis is by lying on your back and not moving a muscle.  Stay like that for however long it takes until your body starts to test you, usually the test will be an itch on your toe or something and you have to try your hardest not to move from the position you started in.  Lucid dreaming is when you sleep and you know you are in the dream, meaning you can do whatever you want because you control it.  But when you are hurt in a lucid dream, you can physically feel the pain.

When I was little I somehow managed to manifest my father into my dream and he appeared in front of me like magic. Somehow the little me was able to take him from his own dream.

'That's the most normal you've ever spoken without adding unicorns into the mix.'

'Does it help to say that my father appeared in my dream as a unicorn?'

'No.  It does not help.'

'Well jokes on you because he appeared in a giant duck instead'

'For fucks sa-'

'Just shut up will ya?'

Noah LeBlanc's POV

I was in a dream.  That much I was certain of because as I looked up the sky was like a painting and Issy told me once that if you look up and the sky looked like it was painted, its because the mind cant understands the sky and that's how you know that you're in a dream.

How she knew that herself I have no idea.

She said it was from someone names Shane...I have no clue who the fuck he is but I just agreed with her anyways.

Infront of me was a soft sparkly river that was incredibly still with a barbeque bench on the grass in front of it. 

'Noah?'

I whip around to find Liam sitting on a blonde Unicorn with a party hat on his head.  Liam stares at me for a moment as I look at the unicorn then back at him before he talks.

'You think I'm bad.  Look at what you're wearing, Noah'

I step back and look at myself,  Cream, brown, red, yellow and green clouded my vision.

'What the fuck!'  I hiss and look back at Liam who was smirking.

I was a fucking Burger.

'What did you do?!'  I growl at him and take a step forward but he laughs and gallops on his unicorn like it was completely normal.

'Where are we?  this is all your fucking fault Liam, I swear if you drugged me and your not actually there I am going to strangle you with my shoe-la-'

'Can you stop being dense for a moment and think, there is only one explanation as to why I am riding a blonde unicorn and you are dressed as a burger.'

I feel the answer click in place and confusion took over.

'Isab-'

'WHATS UP MY THOT ASS HOESSSSS'

Yup.  Isabella.

------------------------

This is not edited.

That's a trick question.

This BOOK is not edited.

Just like my life...actually, I wonder what would have happened if you could edit your own life?

If 55 is fifty-five and 44 is forty-four doesn't that make 11 onety-one?

Meh.

ANYWAYSSSS Um, 100 votes 100 comments.

OHHH I HAVE A FAVOR TO ASKKK!

If you can please do the questions on the next page I will do a QandA with the characters themselves.

Thanks boo boo

Peace out PANDAS