Sweet Nothing • (book one) jb

twenty-one

I grabbed a navy blue thigh length shirt with the british flag printed on it, a light blue pair of skinny jeans, and white vans. After changing I combed through my hair with my brush before pulling it up into a pony tail where it showed my natural waves perfectly. I really didn't feel like putting on any make up so I decided not to.

I walked over to the door opening it slightly and peaked my head out, seeing the whole crew all laughing while eating breakfast. I shut the door and grabbed my phone slipping it in my back pocket before taking a deep breath and walking out of the room.

As I walked out of the room and was in clear view of everyone, it became silent. I smiled slightly before walking over to Pattie and placing one of my hands on her shoulder. She turned and looked me in the eyes for a moment as I gave her a look telling her I was sorry.

She stood up and wrapped me in her arms for a tight hug which I gratefully gave back.

"It's okay. Just promise to never do it again." She whispered in my ear and pulled away.

I could see she had tears on the brim of her eyes which made my heart break. I knew she had tried her best not to let me find my way back to the drugs and I knew she cared. Seeing her like this made me fill with guilt and tore my heart apart.

I smiled at her and nodded my head as her phone suddenly went off and she walked away. I turned toward the crew as they all smiled at me and went back to talking to each other.

"Alex!" I heard someone call.

I looked over to see Selena with a plate of food in her hands. She was smiling and waving to me to come eat. I smiled back at her as I approached her and gave her a side hug before grabbing my plate of food. I saw that there was only one seat available and it was right beside Justin and Selena. I did my best to not show my disappointment and sat there.

As I was talking to Selena about what to do on the rest of the tour, I heard Pattie enter the room and call my name. She had the phone in her hand and it looked like the call was still in session. Raising one of my eyebrows to her I asked her what was wrong.

"You have a phone call. It's your mother." She said.

I swear I could hear my heart breaking at the silence that suddenly surrounded the room. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes before standing up and reopening them. I could see that everyone was staring at me, including Justin, but I just ignored them and walked over to the phone.

Pattie gave me a smile as she handed me the phone which I gave back. The phone lingered in my hands for a second before I brought it up to my ear and took a deep breath.

"Hey, mom." I breathed into the phone.

"Alexandra, sweety! How have you been dear? I miss you so much." She said.

I did my best and bit my tongue holding back the words I was dying to say. She called me Alexandra and she knew I hated that. She acted as if she has called thousands of times before when she didn't, but I was being nice and let other words come out.

"I've been good, you could say." I said laughing bitterly.

"That's great to hear! How's Justin? Have you two gotten back together? I know you say you hate him but we all know better." She giggled.

Well then bitch, you're on something if you actually believe that.

"He's doing okay and no we're not. I'd rather die than date that again." I spat but just loud enough for her to hear. I knew I was still in ear reach with everybody so I needed to watch what I said.

"Why do you have to be so cruel to that boy, Alexandra-"

"Alex!" I snapped but she only continued.

"He did nothing to you and you act like he did." She said.

That was when I finally cracked. I wasn't just going to let her say things like this to me. She knew exactly what had happened when I came home drunk off my ass the night Justin ditched me. I cried in her lap for hours wanting all the pain to go away. I wasn't just going to let her get away like this.

"Mom, you know exactly what he did to me so why would you ever say that?" I said.

"Oh, Alex it's been four years! How much longer is it going to take you to forgive him? He was a young boy then, he didn't know what he was saying."

"You know damn well he did. He was there through everything and knew just how to make me break. I'm here because of him." I spat but she only laughed.

"You're going to tell me that a boy caused you to become a drug addict? No Alex, you did it to yourself! You were foolish enought to listen to his words, so don't go blaming your stupid mistakes on him."

I knew by now tears were falling out of my eyes. The fact that my worst nightmare was coming true before my eyes hurt me.

"You never cared did you? You know why everything happened. You just wanted to get rid of me." I cried.

"I loved you Alex, I did. But when you became that delinquint I couldn't do it anymore. You were no good."

"A real mother would stick by her child through anything, not give her away!" I said.

"I was never fit to be a mother, Alexandra!" She spat into the phone.

"It's Alex!" I screamed.

"I will call you whatever I want! I named you, you are my child!"

"No, I'm not. You just said you didn't care anymore. You're no better than me. I hate you!" I cried before hanging up.

I stood up and turned around seeing Pattie, Scooter, Selena, and Justin were all there staring at me. The tears were stil falling out of my eyes rapidly as my eyes landed on Justin's. Anger started to take over my body and next thing I knew I was charging at him.

"This is all your fault!" I screamed hitting him in his chest. "You made her hate me. You made me unwanted!"

I saw confusion flash in his eyes as he tried his best to escape from the grip I had on him. I felt someone grip my waist and pull me away as I kept kicking and screaming for them to let go of me and when they did, I fell to my knees sobbing loudly.

I knew everyone was in here by now and saw me breakdown, but I didn't care. I just wanted all the pain to go away. To feel loved again, but it's never going to happen.

I felt a hand rub my back and soon heard Selena whispering in my ear.

"Let's get out of here." She whispered.

I was still sobbing loudly when I nodded my head. She helped me stand up and wrapped her arms around me walking me out into the hallway and into her hotel room. I was laying on the couch when she came over to me with a bottle of water.

"Remember the night w-we talked on that b-bench?" I sobbed while she nodded her head.

"Why wouldn't I?" She smiled.

"Well." I wiped my eyes as best as I could and tried to calm down my sobbs. I was feeling completely broken right now and I needed to let some things off my chest. "That person who hurt me and made me who I am today isn't just another random face. That someone is actually someone you know very well." I said trying to calm down my sobbs again.

Selena's face turned to confusion as I finally maintained my sobs.

"I loved him so much and he just left me. I thought he loved me too, but he didn't. How could he do that? How could he?" I said and fell into Selena's lap as my sobs began again.

Selena's hand rubbed up and down my back in a comforting way as she spoke her words.

"Who, Alex?" She asked, but I ignored her and sat up letting the tears still fall.

"The worst part of it all though, is that he doesn't even remember me." I cried and put my head down. "Justin caused me all this pain, and he doesn't even remember me."

-

So somebody really close to Justin knows the truth now, huh? ;) Comment your thoughts.