I'm upset and angry with my best friend and I know I have no right to be.
She's the only person I really care about but recently I feel like once again I don't matter to anyone.
To start off she is seeing this guy I don't approve of. I've never told her I don't want her to be with him but for one its none of my business. She's the kind of person who would say to stay out of her life and I get it, I really don't have the right to voice this opinion. I'm just so mad cause he doesn't deserve her and she spends all this time with him.
I also get strangely jealous of her other friends.
I had told her that I was afraid I was only her friend out of frequency. For example when you're in high school and you see your friends every day and are locked in school with them for 8 hours a day, of course you're gonna call yourselves best friends. But are you really friends if you don't see each other outside of school, if you don't care to check up on them on your own? In high school I kinda always knew that all the friendships I had would end as soon as I graduated, and they did. I don't talk to anyone I went to high school with. (except one but thats a different story)
I told her I was afraid that that was what it was and she assured me it wasn't, that we hang out all the time. I know it's silly but I couldn't help but think it.
So to back track we had a picnic not too long ago and one of her friends came and during the whole thing she only talked to him. I didn't make the effort to really join and I was preoccupied with another worry I had but it still kinda hurt.
During the car ride home he sat in the front seat which usually is reserved for me and I know it's dump to cry about a car seat but no matter what I was feeling sensitive about everything.
The guy I like was suppose to come to the picnic and he didn't come so the whole time I was pretty down and she didn't say anything. She didn't come to me, she didn't ask, and it wasn't until he got out of the car when she was dropping everyone home that she asked me if I was okay. That was last week and she hasn't talked to me until today. And I know it's because my sister told her something.
I don't need this.
If she wanted to talk to me she would have done it. she wouldn't have waited until someone else told her to check up on me.
We talked normally. She asked me what Ive been up to and I asked her what she was up to.
Our friends made plans to drive up to Antelope valley cause the poppies are in bloom right now and I asked her if she was going and she said no, that she was going to the museum.
I thought wait the museum I thought we'd go together to? I was hurt. She was going even though we both have to go but she didn't even stop to mention it.
I've been putting myself out there and I finally come to think wow someone cares about me but
I know I don't really matter.
I can't even be mad cause
I'm never gonna tell her.
