Literally every single thing my dad does makes me never want to talk to him.
The thing i hate most about bad parenting is when they ask themselves later ¨what did I do to deserve this?¨
My dad treats me like a maid, he disrespects me every single day, he's sexist and has a bad temper.
Growing up i didnt care for when he would hit me, what hurt more is his cruel words and when he yells. Even when i was covered in bruises and i had to lie to my friends and say i fell down some stairs i didnt care cause i knew that's just how things were. Parents hit their children and there's nothing you could do.
My terrible personality is due to him and he has the audacity to ask why I have a bad temper why I talk back why I desire to leave. How does he expect me to respect him when he can't even talk to me without yelling. I hold grudges but at the same time i don't. When I'm mad at him I'll get over it soon but then It happens again and I'm reminded again why i hate being with him.
But its hard to stay mad at him especially when I'm always scared that i might never see him again. That's what's hard because i do love my dad more than anyone in this world. But family aren't always people you need to necessarily always forgive, family isn't always who will stay by you no matter what, and family can also be intoxicating and earasing them from your life can be the right choice. But to me it isn't at the moment. Cause I know my sister and I are the only reason he and my mom are in this country. I'm no ingrate and i know the sacrifices my parents have made for me to have a better life but that doesn't excuse the constant mistreatment. The constant putting down. My parents are the biggest bullies in my life and my low self esteem and self hatred is due to them. I look at my parents and i always think ¨okay that what i don't want to be¨
I hate them so much but I love them so much.
I don't even want to argue with him anymore but because of my personality I'm someone who can't not defend myself.
They always make me out to be the bad guy too, they make me look like the ingrate. They compare me to my grandma who has always had a bad personality. Everyone talks about her in a negative light and though sometimes they're right i get her. Maybe i am like her. Nothing pisses me off more than parents who only look like they're good parents on the outside. I'm full of anger for a reason, i didnt get this way by myself why don't they understand that. I look like I'm all this rage and that I'm always angry but the truth is I'm always sad, I'm more sensitive than anyone knows. The only way I know how to protect myself from other people is by getting angry.
No one will ever know how I feel. They could never understand me that's a given fact.
