These days my anxiety has been through the roof.
I think about the last guy I had a crush on and I think about the guy who I currently favor and I think I must be weak to fall for guys who won't look twice at me.
"My heart should be well schooled cause I've been fooled in the past..."
I don't learn my lesson but I will try to be braver and I've always thought "whats the worst that can happen?" Well for one my self esteem gets damaged and embarrassment. Who cares though? I'll get over it.
What does drive me crazy is social media. I was having a nice conversation with the guy I was talking about, I'll just call him art kid from now on. So art kid and I were talking all night but he stopped messaging and the thing is he didn't leave me on read, he just hasn't opened it at all or so it says. He probably saw my notification and that's much worse for me than being left on read. This is why I don't like social media, this is why I don't like myself either cause I'm always over analyzing shit. I don't even know if I like him I just know I'm interested.
It probably wouldn't work anyways. I'm not completely sure he's my age either, he said he was starting school in 3 weeks so I sure he's not in highschool but I don't know. Either way he lives in like downtown LA, it isn't so far but its not convenient either. I don't like going down town I usually hang out in the outskirts.
If anything he has a girlfriend. He's not drop dead gorgeous but he is pretty cute, I mean I could tell he's popular. He's one of those guys, enough said. What else can I find wrong with him?
Like I said I'm overanalyzing, I'll probably see him again eventually, maybe not soon but since we are both involved in the same program its not impossible.
You know what why am I freaking out about him?? This is gonna be Erik all over again. I know it won't hurt me but I'm acting the same. I actually had nice conversations with art kid and we both have something in common but me and Erik? nothing ever really tied us together. I mean I guess Erik did have his strong points, I loved his music and I loved watching him play videogames, he just wasn't ready for me. Either way who's to say art kid is different at all? I mean he didn't know who The Doors were so that pretty much means we won't share the same music taste, granted I do like a lot of different kinds of music but classic rock is very important to me. I guess time will tell whether my interest in art kid will fade, or that I will meet someone new.
I hella dramatic.
