Antidote

Chapter 26.

[a.n] um hello...is this thing on? is anyone still trying to read this? lol. I hope to continue updating before I go back to college because my mind is flowingggg with new ideas. Here's the long awaited update.

"Hayden," I begin to speak. What the fuck do I do now? I knew this was coming . . . but, so soon? Right at this moment?

For a moment, I could only stare in dismay as the blood trailed down my thigh, to my feet. Instinct kicks in and I step back into the bathtub—still full of water—before the blood could stain the floor. Perhaps it would have been smarter to go to the toilet so it could all flush away.

I watch as the blood fuses with the water slowly changing the color from clear to light pink. It hurts, not physically, but in every other way.

There are no tears this time. Maybe I am already dried out from the exhausting moments leading up to this. But I can't say that I'm not surprised at my lack of emotion. Since I found out I was miscarrying, I imagined the way that I would react, and I expected wailing and tears. But there's nothing. I couldn't even force them if I tried.

Hayden sprints from his spot at the door, lifting his sleeve and reaching in the water to drain the tub. I feel a piece of me drowning the longer I stand here watching the pink water dissipate.

Using the towel to clean the blood from my thighs, I hurry to the toilet that way I don't have to see anymore.

If I continue to look and possibly see my baby come out, I may never recover. I sit here on the toilet with my face buried in my hands, no tears forming, just in complete silence. I feel Hayden's hand on my hair but I don't lift my head from my hands to look at him.

"Is there anything I can get you, baby?" He asked. His tone is soft and pained. I can hear it although he attempted to mask it with his genuine concern.

"Midol." My words were muffled as I responded.

"Do we have it here?"

"No."

"Okay, I will be right back. If you need or want anything else while I'm out just call me." When I don't give him a response, he kisses the top of my head letting his lips linger for a moment before disappearing.

I don't move from the toilet until I can feel my legs going numb. I wipe myself seeing thick clumps of blood, much thicker than the blood from the tub. This must be the cause of all the painful cramping I've been having.

As I reach for a tampon, I vaguely recall the doctor explaining that I should only use pads when the bleeding starts. I roll some tissue out, place it between my legs and walk to the closet with a pad in hand to get underwear. I place the pad on the underwear before sliding them on and removing the bloody tissue. Tossing the tissue into the toilet I watch it swirl around in the red water as it flushes. This fucking hurts.

I throw on one of Hayden's t-shirts after washing my hands and climb into the bed, covering my entire body and head with the blanket. This is the most real the miscarriage has been to me, but I haven't shed a single tear. I can feel that I want to cry but nothing will come out.

I hear the bedroom door open and close and Hayden's footsteps coming closer to the bed. "Here are your pills and a bottle of water."

I sit up in the bed. He already has the water open for me and two pills sitting in the cap. "Thank you, babe," I say taking them and swallowing them back.

"How are you feeling?"

"I don't know yet," I respond. "How are you?"

He lifts a bottle of wine that I hadn't noticed as his answer. He takes a drink straight from the bottle and gestures it towards me, offering me some.