Antidote

Chapter 8.

Even though I wanted him to stay the night like he had asked to, Hayden left my hotel room and promised he'd call me tomorrow—which is actually today. I'm finding myself torn between coming up with a decision on my own or picking between Hayden's ultimatum. It would be a lot easier if I lived here and we were together but we aren't and I don't. I can easily move but where will I go, where will I work? I sold my father's house when I first left and though I enjoyed working for Dr. James, I won't be going back there. If anything I would like to have my own practice if I ever were to leave the behavioral hospital in Los Angeles. I don't ever want to go backwards, I just want to go up from where I am now.

Does being with Hayden count as going backwards? Just in the single two nights that Hayden and I have spent together, there's something about him that shows me how much he's changed over the years.His tone of voice, his mannerism, his attitude, they all seems to have changed for the better. Going backwards would be coming back to him even though nothing has changed.

I wasn't sure when Hayden was ever going to call but when the phone ringed I would get let down when it wasn't his name. Just like now, Hayden wasn't calling, my job was. "Hi, it's Alice." I answer.

"Good afternoon Dr. Greene, I hope I'm not bugging you on your vacation."

"Not at all Linda, what can I do for you?" I recognize her by her voice. It's pretty distinct, light and airy.

"It's Victoria, I left her alone for two minutes and I come back to find her hurling over the bathroom toilet."

"Did she do it herself?"

"She claims that she's just sick, but I took her temperature and it was normal, she isn't sneezing or coughing, no allergies. It could be from the drug withdrawal but since I wasn't there it could have been intentional."

"What did the cameras show before she went into the bathroom?"

"She ran into the bathroom the moment I walked out then shut and locked the door."

"Was she holding her stomach as if she were sick? Or  cover her mouth as if she felt it coming?" I question wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt.

"Not from what I saw on the tapes."

"Well then we really don't have any other option do we?" I was hoping it wouldn't have to come to this with her. "Just for tonight, tube her."

"Will do. Thank you for your time."

"Of course." I end the call dreading the decision I just made. It was one I know had to be done, and to be fair I warned her in our meeting. The meeting where I was distracted with thoughts of Hayden.

I sat here last night thinking about our conversation and maybe Hayden's ultimatums are the only options. Either I move back or he takes it full time. I can't be a single mother, nor do I want to be. Hayden has practice with this, seeing as he's raising Naomi himself with the exception of the weekends the mother gets her. Will I want to be that absent in my child's life? It'll be like an adoption, giving birth and then handing the baby off to a parent while I'm there but not. I'll be like my mother.

My child will grow up and have the same feelings I had when I found out my mother was still alive but just didn't want anything to do with me. My mother chose other men over me. How dare I choose work over a child, over Hayden?