Antidote

Chapter 20.

"Listen, I have to go but here are the adoption papers, if you decide your answer is yes." She hands me a thick orange clasp envelope. "For the record, I had no idea Hayden was in a relationship and if I knew I would have never gotten involved. I don't like to be a homewrecker, my mother was one."

She's out of the door before I could get another word in leaving my mind reeling with unsureness and even more questions. I know a lot about Naomi since I'm here, but to be her mother? To raise her as if she were my own child after leaving her father because she came into existence? Is this something that Hayden and Naomi would want? I feel so conflicted, I can't decide the right thing to do.

She said she took precautions years ago to ensure that she didn't get pregnant, so I can't fully blame her for having a child, but if you never wanted her why choose to stay in her life for these years? She won't have many memories of her mother as she gets older, but she'll always have her face etched into her mind, or her dreams, or her nightmares. She'll always see the woman who left her behind, the woman that never wanted her.

I close myself in my study looking over the papers Una left for me to sign. I'm still unsure if I should actually sign them but I can't lie and say I'm not leaning more towards doing it. I want to speak with Hayden first to know how he feels about this. It will make for a very interesting conversation for our date, especially if he doesn't know she's asking me to do this. Does he know? Could this be the reason he was out with her until the early hours of the morning?

I idly wonder what my parents would think if I were to adopt Hayden's daughter. My dad would love the idea but I can't say for certain if my mother would. She had a sadistic habit of reminding me of any seemingly destructive decision I could potentially make or have made. Notwithstanding her cynical personality, I find myself calling her hoping to—for once—get an unbiased opinion.

"Hello." She answers distractedly.

"Hey Mom, it's me."

"Oh, to what do I owe the pleasure of hearing from my only daughter that abandoned me for a man." Here she goes.

"Well, I learned from the best." I bite back unable to help myself.

"I can't even be angry with you for that one, it was well deserved." I only chuckle after hearing her laugh from the other side of the phone. "How are you doing? Find any work?"

"No, I think I'm too picky. I have something that I want in mind so anything else just doesn't feel like enough to me."

"You want your own practice." She concludes without my having to say it. "Your dad left you pretty much everything he possessed, you have more than enough to do it. What are you waiting for?"

"Maybe to not be pregnant," I respond jokingly. I will have to take off from work for some time after giving birth anyway. I might as well just wait.

"How is your pregnancy coming along?" I feel like this may be one of the only times my mother and I can engage in normal conversation without one of us starting a fight. "Any morning sickness?"

"Nausea I felt in the second month has gone away, I only have some cramping at night. My breast isn't getting tender or anything. I don't even really feel pregnant, I just know the baby is growing in there. Is that weird?"

"I mean everyone is different, I experienced a lot of cramping and some blood when I was pregnant with you. But I also had really bad morning sickness where I couldn't eat anything at all. What has your doctor said?"

Right. A doctor. I haven't met with one since moving here. I still have my prenatal vitamins from my last doctors visit in LA. "You had an appointment since you moved there right?"