Don't Judge Me, Judge Yourself Sis

Can We Get it Together?

What the fuck am I doing to do with a baby ? Pregnant? Pregnant? Naw. Uh uh. No. This test is fucking defective! I grab the box and grab another test. As I pee on the second test, so much goes through my mind. I don't want to be anyone's baby momma. I have nothing against baby mommas, but I can't have a child with someone I'm not with. I want an actual family. I don't want the drama , or be a single mother. I can't. I've always had the vision of being married with kids and all that other happy bullshit.
I pull my pants up and set the test on the counter. I sit on the toilet seat anticipating the results once again. After several minutes I take a look at the results. Nothing changed. Still pregnant .. still positive ... there is a fucking fetus in my stomach. How far along am I? How do I tell Tim? Fuck fuck fuck fuck. I'm having Tim's baby and living with Jay. What type of ghetto ratchet shit do I have going on in my life and vagina. I pick up the phone. I need to tell someone. Someone who isn't judgmental. Lisa isn't someone I call for advice, but I know she won't lecture me or judge me. I call Lisa.
" Hello, it's me. The body beautiful Lisa. How can I help you?" She answers.
"Girl , shut up" I say rolling my eyes. We both laugh.
"Wassup Girl! I have some tea to tell you" she says.
"Me too, actually." I respond. "You go first".
"Girl, guess who is out of jail? Jay! My homegirl said she was just with him."  says Lisa.
"Who is your homegirl?" I ask.
"Meeka" she responds.
"The stripper?" I ask
"Yea. You know her?" asks Lisa.
"Yea.  We went to school together. I've chilled with her at a few parties.  She's cool I guess" I respond.
"Well get this! She use to date Jay." Lisa says.
"Hmm. Interesting."
"That's not it though. She also use to fuck Tim!" Lisa continues.
"Excuse me?" I say in a straight tone.
"Yes girl! I know! We got on the subject about you and Tim and that's when she told me. She talked about how she's been fucking him for years but most recently he stopped hitting her up." says Lisa. 
"How recent?" My heart races.
"She said she hadn't talked to him in about a year" says Lisa. I let out a sigh of relief. But wait. Something about this isn't adding up.
"Wait. Before me, Tim had been with Jessica that entire time." I say, thinking back to me and Tim's previous conversations. "So if Tim was fucking Meeka, he had to been cheating on Jessica" I squint and start thinking hard.
"That is a possibility girl. You know niggas ain't shit." responds Lisa.
"But he always made it seem like he did right by Jessica , and when she cheated he was devastated." I say. Something isn't right here.
"How do you know Jessica cheated?"
"He told me"
"You believed him?"
"At the time, yes. We were friends , and that night I met him for hookah he was hurt by their break up" I respond. 
"Did you ever actually talk to Jessica?"  asks Lisa.
"Not really. The time she called my phone it was brief. Then when I saw her at the club, we didn't exchange many words." I say giggling. We both laugh, thinking about how we beat those girls asses in that club.
"There is definitely more to this story then what Tim told you" Lisa says.
"Well, it's not like I'm gonna get any answers now." I say , almost under my breath. 
"Why is that?" Lisa asks.  I make the decision not to tell Lisa how I already knew Jay was out of jail, and how he's staying with me. I also realize I shouldn't tell her about my pregnancy. I'm not sure I can count on Lisa not to spill all this tea, however I do need more answers. 
"Do you have Meeka number?" I ask.
"Yea. I can text it to you if you want?"
"Yea. Do that. I'm gonna call you back a little later" I respond.
"Wait.  Didn't you have something to tell me?" Asks Lisa.
"Yea. umm. You a hoe" I say jokingly. We both laugh.  "I have to go though, I'll call you back." I hang up the phone. It seems as though Tim wasn't one hundred percent truthful about his past relationship. If he lied then, what could he have lied about in our relationship. I definitely need answers.
I receive a text, and I see it's the number Lisa gave me. I save it in my phone. I walk over next door to Toni's and knock.
"Hey whore. Come in." She says.
"Hey bitch. I have something to tell you"
After catching Toni up on everything, she shakes her head in disbelief. I tell her everything but the pregnancy.  I'm not ready to talk to anyone about it yet.
" Why would you let him stay with you? That's absolutely crazy. I thought you were a smart bitch, but I'm really starting to think you dumb as bricks."  says Toni.
"I don't know what I was thinking." I shake my head. 
"Dick" Toni says and squints at me.
"Guilty" I say lowering my head. I guess I don't know.
"Well, I'm getting my purse. You ready?" says Toni.
"Ready for what? Where are we going?"  I ask confused.
"We goin to Tim house. You want answers? Let's get some"  Toni grabs her car keys and purse. "Corey! I'm taking Kali somewhere , I'll be back!" She yells up the stairs.
"Where you g-"
"JUST WATCH YOUR FUCKING KIDS DAMN NIGGA!" She screams up the steps.  She turns to me. " Come on bitch. I don't feel like hearing this nigga crying." We head out the door and get in her car.
While driving to Tim's house my stomach sinks. I feel so nervous. I know Tim doesn't want to see me after what happened earlier today, but I don't care. This nigga could be a complete fraud. This would change everything.  I open my phone up and see a text from Marcus.
Hey gorgeous. It's Marcus. You came across my mind and I wanted to hit you up. I hope all things are well, I remember you telling me you had a lot going on. I'm still a listening ear if you ever need someone to talk to.
It read.
You're sweet love. I'll definitely consider that. Glad I met you. I respond.
I would still love to take you out sometime .. even just as friends. I promise I won't pick you up on my skateboard. Lol. He texted. 
We can definitely make that happen lmao. I'll just pick you up, no big deal. I respond.
"Who you talking to bitch? Smiling and shit." Toni smirks at me while driving.
"Just this dude I met round my brother way."
"Damn bitch. You don't get tired huh. Lisa? Is that you ?" Toni laughs.
" Nooo it's not like that. He's young as hell, and in college. We are just friends." I reply.
" I've heard you say that before. You have a habit of fucking your male friends and making them your boyfriend." Toni says. I roll my eyes.  "And here we are. See how that turned out? I literally told you dating Tim wasn't a good idea."
"I don't need a lecture. I'm grown. I make my own decisions." I respond.
"That's fine. You'll also suffer your own consequences." Toni replies.
"I don't speak on your marriage. Don't speak on my relationships" I say , becoming frustrated.
" You can't speak on my relationship nigga. Mainly because I'm MARRIED. There's a different dynamic in marriages than in regular relationships. So until you're married also, your opinion doesn't matter" says Toni.
"Oh, so because you're married I can't have an opinion?" I scrunch my face at Toni.
"You can have all the opinions you want Kali. Just focus on your problems first." Toni turns into the street Tim lives on. She turns to me.  "You ready?"
"Yup"
We park the car and get out. We walk toward Tim's house and knock on the door. The door opens and I am in disbelief. I stand there wide eyed. Jessica stands inches away from me. She stares me down. Toni looks confused as Jessica and I stare in silence.
"Ummmm yea , is Tim here" Toni asks Jessica.
"Yea. And who are you?" Jessica replies but doesn't take her eyes off me.
" I'm Beyoncé , and this is Kelly.  Now bitch, I don't have time for the extras. Can you go get Tim? Oooor?" Toni stands her guard looking unbothered.
" I don't know you, but I definitely know that bitch!" Jessica raises her voice. I crack a smile.
"Bitch you better lower your caucasian tone Rebecca." Toni replies.
" You better get your ghetto ass out of my face Lakesha" Jessica replies.  Toni turns to me.
"Did this bitch just call me 'ghetto Lakesha'?" Toni asks. I giggle then clear my voice. 
"Look, I don't have any beef with you Jessica. I just need to speak with Tim.
"Oooh. YOU'RE Jessica!? Toni blurts out. She starts laughing hysterically. She turns to me still laughing. "Didn't you beat this bitch ass already ?"
"Hey love. What's going on?" I hear a familiar voice. I look up, and Tim is standing behind Jessica. 
"Love? Nigga you sweet talking to another bitch after you just proposed to my bestie ?!"
"Proposed?!" Jessica says shocked.
"Yes bitch. You know? When a nigga gets on one knee and asks you to marry him." Toni gets in Jessica's face. 
"Look. We not here for the extra. We just need to talk Tim!" I interrupt.
" I have nothing to say to you!" Shouts Tim.
"Fine.  I'll just ask Jessica.  Since we are all here. I reply.
"I'm not talking to your ass!" Jessica shouts.
"Who is Meeka?!" Toni blurts the question out.
"Ughg" Jessica roles her eyes in frustration. Tim just stands there. He looks caught off guard. "The bitch Tim was cheating on me with." Jessica answers. 
"Oh? Tim told me you cheated on him." I respond.
"What?!? I never cheated on Tim!" Jessica shouts and looks back at Tim.  Tim stands there embarrassed. 
"So basically. Tim lied about y'all breaking up?" I ask.
"We were on a break. I broke up with him but allowed him to stay here. We were suppose to work things out until you came along!" says Jessica.
"He told me he broke up with you because you cheated on him and you moved out" I say.
"I never moved out. I live here!" Jessica shouts, looking at Tim. Everyone turns at Tim.
"You a lying ass nigga" says Toni.
"Okay. I may have lied. But I never cheated on you Kali! The entire time I lived here me and Jessica never messed around ."  says Tim.  Jessica looks at him in disbelief.
"You said you wanted to work things out" Jessica's voice trails off. I can see she's hurt.
"You've been lying our entire relationship, playing the victim. You made me seem like the bad guy and you were worse than me. I didn't make the best decisions but I confessed that to you." I say.
"Y'all both some lying ass niggas, damn." Toni says. "And you got beat up for no reason" Toni points at Jessica and shakes her head.
"I got the info I needed. I'm gone" I turn around to walk away. Toni looks at Tim and looks over at Jessica crying. She shakes her head. She turns away and follows me back to her car.
On the way back, there is so much on my mind. I can hear Toni talking about the situation in the distance, but I tune her out. Tim ain't shit.  He lied about everything he told me about his situation.  He played and cheated on Jessica and that poor girl got caught in the cross fires. I actually feel pretty bad for her. I can't have a baby by a man like that. I'd have to deal with Tim for the rest of my life. He definitely isn't who he portrays to be.
I look down at my phone and I see a text from Jay.
Hey I just pulled up at the house, where are you? I see your car and I knocked but you didn't answer.  It read.
I'm pulling up now. I respond.
3 minutes later Toni and I pull up at the house.  The drive from Tim's normally feels like forever, but I was so lost in thought, we were home in no time. I say bye to Toni and walk up to Jay's car. He rolls down his window. 
"You good shawty? You look a lil stressed." He says.
"Yea, I'm just a little tired that's all. It has been a very long day." I cross my arms and sigh. Jay gets out of his car and stands inches from me.
"Don't let nobody stress you out Shawty. I know today was crazy , but I promise you gon be good. As long as I'm around , I'll make sure of that" Jay says. I smile and give him a hug. My body starts to tingle like it usually does when he touches me. I pull away from his hug and look in his eyes. I feel almost hypnotized. He leans against his car and pulls me closer to him. "You know. Here's a crazy thought." Jay says as we both look up at the starts.
"What ?" I ask. I can hear how exhausted I am when I open my mouth.
"Let's have sex." Jay says , as he smirks.
"I'm not in the mood honestly." I say. "Plus. I'm not trying to have sex just to have sex. I decided I only want to have sex with guys I'm dating"
" Then. Let's date" Jay says nonchalantly. 
"Ha.Ha. Very funny" I say , rolling my eyes.
"Naw. I'm for real. Ion like asking shit like this because it's corny and I usually don't do relationships. But you're a lil different shawty. I fucks with you. " says Jay.  I just stand there in silence.
" So Kali. You wanna be my girl?"