☆ᴀsᴇᴀɴ ɪɴ ᴀ ɴᴜᴛsʜᴇʟʟ ☆

The sad part of this chapter

I have adored her so much, as my big sister and imaginary mother. Since we live apart, My mother would always drive us to her house to meet with my big sister, Vanessa (aka Indonesia). She had the beautiful smile and perfect eyes, she was also helpful and strong. Whenever we meet, my big sister would always hug me and hold me up with her arms and kiss my cheeks.

"Maria! kamu terlihat baik hari ini!" She would always say in her native tongue, I would always giggle and asked what the meaning would be. She said as always that I looked well but I didn't know what it meant when she said it.

In the afternoon, we would hang out in the backyard. Picking up, rambutan from the highest of the trees and playing hopscotch together. She would always say:

"Wow!"

"Keren! Keren!"

At home, when I'm alone. Sometimes I would use her words as my own, I admire her accent and everything. I often visit her during the summer, she would always come over my house and kiss my cheeks not minding about my sweat and smell.

"Maria! I've met you once more! kamu sangat beruntung!" She said continuing what the meaning meant since I'm not fluent to what she was saying.

Lucky? What has she meant by that? I have always admired her secretly and she was the best sister I've had. Her hair was shiny while mine is short and rough. Her eyes are a shiny brown like chocolate and my eyes are just plain coal. She's tall and I'm short and not to mention her fair skin...

Big sister Vanessa always had the smile on her cheeks and I haven't seen it off her face. Is there another meaning to it? And if so, what could it mean?

Few weeks after, my big sister hadn't come over at my house and I'm not allowed to come over at her house too. I felt sad after hearing my mom said she was sick during the weekend, she also told me that I could write letters just so I wouldn't get lonely. I wrote and drew letters of her saying that to be alright and we should play together. And that, I received tone of letters from her.

==

Months after that, I moved a few blocks away from her house. Now, I can walk from her house and we can play together! As I knocked open the door, it freaked open only to find the girlfriend of my father standing in front of me with a smile on her face. I asked her if I could see my big sister and she politely backed out for me to enter.

"She's inside the room. Please be gentle with her" she says softly. I nodded, what had she meant about that? As I opened her bedroom door, my eyes widened to see my big beautiful sister in bed with pale skin and dull eyes. She still had a faint smile on her face, I couldn't believe what I saw from the second I saw her. Her head was covered in a beanie and I could see strands of pale brown hair dangling under it. What happened?

"Maria, Anda disini and looking well today!" She whispered, clutching onto her chest and panting heavily. I froze, it's not what I saw few months ago. She was different now, I started run towards her, questions already filling my mouth. She chuckled lightly rubbing my hair she said:

"I'm fine Maria, just as I promised, I will play with you today" a toothy smile plastered her face, I was worried for her frail form. I didn't want her to let go of me, I held her hand; softly caressing it on my cheek. She was thin and light like my books at home, I start to worry when I imagine her disappear from my hold.

"Okay let's play.." I muttered.

She gave space for me in her bed, I climbed and sat beside her. We read stories, do a makeover, and play dress up but only I was standing up and running around. As for her, she sat in bed giggling and coughing roughly, I tried to assist her but she would always say she would be fine and she didn't want me to get infected. The more she said that, the more I get worried and sad.

But this time shocked me. When the day was over and I was exhausted, I sat beside her and she read the book I gave her since I couldn't read yet, she told me about the book doing hand gestures and silly faces and I couldn't help but laugh. In the middle of the story, she began coughing hardly, avoiding contact with me and pulling up a tissue from the box and placing it all over her mouth, she began to silence her cough. I glanced at her to see from the corner of my eyes to see the blood coming out of her mouth and it was splattered all over the tissue.

"Are you okay big sister?" I asked and she would nod with a smile on her face. And that moment, I couldn't believe what happened next. It was all a dream I say she hasn't flinched yet and I could see her stare at nothing, I moved closer to her and spelled out her name.

"Ate Vanessa?"

And she stumbled onto the ground with a thud.

==

Years later, and I'm exactly the age of Vanessa. I asked my mother If she could drive me to her place today and she couldn't say no to that. We passed by a lot of places me and Vanessa used to play when I was still a child, I smiled at the thought when we played mud pies and we'd act as if we were judges of each of ours.

I stepped down the car as mama came into a screeching a halt beside the pavement. I brought her favorite flowers, Melati Putih. Me and my big sister had so much similarities that my favorite flower is also colored white.

I kneeled in front of her, seeing her sit down the opposite of me. I hand her the bouquet of flowers in front of her feet, I look up to her to see her smiling with the same form as she always was. How a dream can make things look real, I see her with significant eyes, her lips curled up to a wide as she say the words she told me after she passed.

"Aku sayang kamu.."