Big Mac

Chapter 15- Rock Bottom

Talking to Zenas that day during lunch had really helped Amanda. "I can do this." She told herself. "I'm bigger than that." She laughed to herself because she was big literally. Amanda took a long look in the mirror. She was still huge but she did look a little smaller she didn't feel proud of it though. The only reason why she was a little smaller was the lack of food she was putting in her body.

It wasn't like anyone else noticed that she lost a little weight. It wasn't enough, she had to eat less and less. Amanda tried to stop herself from thinking like that especially because of what Zenas had said at lunch. But Zenas wasn't really her friend so why should he care?

That's right, no one cared.

Amanda sat there in her room feeling empty except full of self pity. She let herself become this way. She was disgusting. She didn't have friends. Yet it was all her fault. Not only was she big and fat she couldn't even lose it. She didn't have a likeable personality a guy has never liked her. Not even the ugly fat guys liked her.

No one did.

Her family didn't really care about her. All they saw was that she needed to go on a diet.

They were right.

But would a diet even work?

Because not eating surely didn't help that much except that she always had a horrible stale taste in her mouth from throwing up.

See? She was disgusting.

Maybe Zenas never had a crush on anyone but it had to be better than this. He never had to worry about liking and putting all his time into a girl who didn't like him back. He didn't have to sit and watch the girl he likes like someone else.

Amanda was too caught up in her own problems to realize that Zenas didn't have it too great either and that not having those sort of feelings really made him miss out on life.

Her little sister was gone hanging out with friends.

Something that Amanda had never done and she was in high school.

Amanda looked at the "thinsporation" pictures in disgust. She saw a glossy magazine peek out from under her bed. She had all these reminders even in her room that she was disgusting. She didn't even need a mirror.

Her parents were gone. She was the only person in this house, this ugly house sitting in Colorado. An ugly house for an ugly girl right?

What was the point in living? She had already missed out so much of her life she had never hung out with friends outside of school she had missed out on every fun thing teens ever did. Her parents didn't care about her, everyone hated her.

But Amanda couldn't even hate the kids at school who hated her. She couldn't because she hated herself more than they hated her.

Amanda knew what she had to do. She didn't care anymore and it sounded like a great plan at the time. Amanda went in her mom's bathroom and grabbed a bottle of pain pills. It was completely full.

All she needed to do was swallow them all and she never had to worry about anything else again. Her pain would be gone.

She sat on her bedroom floor.

But her biggest mistake was forgetting about the good.

Selfish girl.