There's A Reason... That Shit Didn't Work Out

TEN

"You look so guilty." Jamie could always read Joie like a book. Then again, her facial expressions always gave her away, just as Sam had reminded her that morning. He knows me even after all these years.

Joie grinned but avoided eye contact.

"What did you do?" Jamie asked in a tone that reminded her childhood.

She figited with her coke straw as she bit her lip.

"You know you cant keep secrets from me, so just tell me."

"You won't approve."

"Well, it's a good thing God's approval is the only thing that matters."

Joie grunted. "I'm pretty sure He wouldn't approve either." Joie sighed. "I spent the night with Sam last night. At his hotel." Joie looked at Jamie awaiting her reaction.

It was slow to come. So slow, Joie needed to fill in the awkward  silence. "It was--interesting."

Jamie nodded slowly. "It bet it was."

"I know what I'm doing." Maybe if she said it, it would be true. "He's different now." He is, right?

Joie continued: "For example, this morning he asked me to follow him to the rental car return and give him a ride to the airport instead of taking the shuttle. He said he wanted to spend as much time with me as he could before he had to leave. We sat together talking and snuggling before he had to go through security. And he went as late as he could. For me. He nearly missed his flight." Her smile widened. "He said he hoped he'd miss his flight so he could be with me longer."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure." Joie took a sip of her soda.

"Did you do educate yourself on narcisism like I suggested?"

Joie nodded. "I did. A lot. It was fascinating. My father is no doubt a full blown narcisist which makes a lot of things about my life make sense to me. I mean, I could never do anything right no matter how hard I tried. I've always thought it was because I was a failure, but, the truth is, it wouldn't matter what I did, it would never be good enough."

Jamie nodded. "Right. Because narcisists are not pleasable in any way."

"It's quite freeing to understand that. All these years I've craved his approval in all these different ways, never once achieving it. Him denying me what I so desperately needed only made me long for it more."

Jamie took a deep breath. "And as long as you were giving him his narcisist supply, for example feeding his ego with the desire to please him, he was okay. But when you weren't, watch out, all hell broke loose."

"Yes. When I didn't listen to his advice or got tired of trying, he became insufferable. Screaming. Ranting. Blaming. It was awful. It's still awful."

"If it's so awful, why the hell would you seek it out?"

Joie became annoyed and rolled her eyes.

"It's a legitimate question even if you don't like it."

Joie crossed her arms giving Jamie a tight squint.

"Tell me this, does Sam meet the profile?"

Joie rolled her eyes.

"Does he always turn the focus to himself?"

When I was crying, he asked me for a blow job.

Hmmmm.

He was just trying to make me laugh though.

Joie's anger grew.

"Is he oblivious to your emotions?"

He totally didn't notice my sadness,  need for attention, or when he made me jump, but that was different. We just need to get to know each other again. "Stop. Please."

"Is he hypersensitive to imagined insults? Does he flatter you when you're adoring him? Get really angry when you disagree with him?"

"I don't know him well enough now to answer any of that." However, he did yell at me this morning when we disagreed.

"Does he brag, exaggerate, overblow his achievments? Think he's an expert at multiple things? Pretend to be more important than he is? Arrogant? Entitled?"

Joie shouted, "Stop! I already told you, I don't know enough yet."

"But you knew enough to sleep with him."

Joie balled her fist and slammed it on the coffee shop table causing everyone to look at her. She looked around the room and shouted, "That's right people, I'm mad!"

Joie waited for the staring to cease then looked at Jamie. "Are you happy now?"

Jamie shook her head. "No. I'm just trying to help you. I love you and I hate seeing you hurt."

Joie grabbed her purse as she stood. "Well, look away. I'm hurt now."

"Don't go. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Joie dug through her purse for her keys but couldn't find them. Her frustration was at maximum capacity. "Great. All I need is to get out of here and I can't find my damn keys."

Jamie's calm voice broke through her focused pocketbook sifting. "They're on the table, Joy."

Joie stopped and looked down seeing them next to her coffee cup. She snatched them. "Thank you. I'll talk to you later."

Jamie stood slowly and went to her.

"What?" Joie scowled.

Jamie gave her a hug but Joie didn't hug her in return.

"Be careful. I love you."

Joie patted Jamie's back half-heartedly twice. "I love you too, but I'm gonna go."