Nineteen Ain't So Angelic Either

Love Isn't Enough

"So what happened when you went to Spencer's?" I open my eyes to see Lauren laying next to me on the bed.

"Huh?" I mumble out.

"Last night." She sits up. "You got in pretty late. Did you guys make up?"

"No." I shake my head.

"I'm sorry." She looks genuinely apologetic. I so don't get this girl.

"It's my own fault." I shrug. "How long have you been watching me sleep?" I quirk a brow.

She shrugs. "I made you breakfast, get up." She says pulling the covers off me. I moan in protest.

"It's early as fuck Laure. What the hell?"

"Actually it's after eleven lazy ass, so get the hell up." She says then turns to leave the room.

"Don't think I didn't notice how you avoided answering my question you stalker." I yell at her retreating figure. She turns and smiles over her shoulder.

Things are and always have been easy with Lauren. Maybe I should give us a chance.

After a couple minutes I finally rolled out of bed and went into the bathroom to freshen up before heading downstairs to the kitchen.

"Wow." I say as I enter the kitchen. She seriously made me breakfast. The whole works. Eggs, Bacon, Waffles, freshly squeezed orange juice. Wait when did I get a waffle maker.

"Just a little something I threw together." She shrugs and places a plate in front of me as I take a seat at the bar.

"I didn't know you could cook." I say as I devour my food.

"There's a lot of things you don't know about me, Ash." She says seductively and I'm too dialed into my plate to make a remark. "So you enjoy that." She comes over and whispers in my ear. "And I'll be upstairs in the shower. Join me if you want." She adds then saunters away. I inwardly roll my eyes at her. I mean COME ON... really Lauren. Breakfast then an offer of sex... it's like my two favorite things in the whole world. It's really not fair.

After eating I decided that I would try to make up with Spencer again. As much as I wanted to go and join Lauren in the shower, I used every fiber of my being to just get dressed and head out the door to Spencer's.

–

"Hey Mrs. Carlin, um... is Spencer home?" I ask when Paula opens the door. I'm guessing Spencer didn't tell her mom about us breaking up because she's smiling at me right now.

"Oh hello Ashley, how are you? I thought you went back to Kansas." Huh?

"Um, no ma'am." I say a bit confused on why she would believe I was back in Kansas right now.

"I guess Spencer was mistaken." She smiles.

"Oh, I guess." I return the smile.

"Come on in. She's up in her room." She opens the door wider for me to come in.

"Hey Mr. Carlin." I greet him as I walk past the living room where he's sitting on the couch reading the Atlanta Journal Constitution.

"Hello Ashley." He smiles warmly at me. Yeah, she definitely didn't tell them. I make my way up the stairs to Spencer's room. I don't bother knocking cause I know once she knows it's me she's gonna just lock her door. I walk in the room to see her crying on the bed.

"Spence." I say softly and I'm thinking that was a terrible idea. She jumped off the bed, wiping her face.

"What are you doing here?" She yells softly. I'm guessing so her parents won't hear.

"I just wanted to talk to you." I tell her, stepping closer to her.

"I thought I was clear yesterday." She says moving back.

"Spencer I know that I fucked up, and I'm not gonna say I'm sorry again because I know you're tired of hearing it. I'm not gonna make excuses for what I did because I know I was wrong, but I just want you to know that it was a big mistake. It was probably the biggest mistake I ever made. I just I want you to know that I wanted to tell you about me and Lauren, but after telling you about Maci..." I pause and I can see her face change from sad to angry at the mention of Maci's and Lauren's names. "I didn't want to you anymore." I finish.

"You thought I would never find out Ashley? Everything always comes to the light, everything." She says and sits down on the bed. I walk over and sit down on the edge of the bed. As far from her as possible.

"I was gonna tell you... one day." I say then look at the ground.

"You don't get to do this Ashley." Spencer snaps. I look at her, she's standing now. "You don't get to come in here and be this sad person who's all sorry. You fucked up, not me. Not once have I ever stepped out on you Ash. But you can't seem to stay faithful to me for anything. So you don't get to be upset or sad or anything. This is your fault." She tells me.

"I know." I nod. "I just wanted to come here and tell you that I still love you and I understand if you never wanna talk to me again. I deserve it." I say softly then stand up.

"Stop it!" Spencer yells, I think a little louder than she intended.

"Stop what?" I ask a little confused.

"Fuck." She sighs out.

"Spence, what is it?" I ask moving to touch her.

"Don't" She snaps at me. "Just leave."

"But..."

"No." She cuts me off. "Please." She says softly. "I don't trust myself around you." She sighs.

"I swear I won't say anything else, just... can I stay please? If this is the last time I'm gonna see you I just wanna be here for you. You can cry, scream, yell, hit me, do whatever you want, please just let me stay." I beg of her. She sighs again before nodding and laying down on the bed. I lay down beside her with her back to my front and wrap my arm around her. Surprisingly without protest. It wasn't long before she was quietly sobbing in my arms. How fucked up is this? I'm the one that broke her heart and she's allowing me to be the one to comfort her. We fell asleep that way.

–

"Spencer." I call out softly when I wake up and she's no longer in my arms.

"I'm here." She says from a chair across the room.

"Why'd you..."

"You should go." She cuts me off.

"Spence."

"No." She shakes her head. Cutting me off again. "You have that way about you Ashley. You fucking cheated on me, yet you're here, in my bed. And I let you." She shakes her head again. "I'm done. I love you, and I always will. You're my first... everything." She smiles a bit but it quickly fades. "But it's time for me to let you go." She says finally and now it's me that's crying. I think it's finally hitting me that this is really over. I don't know what to say. So I don't say anything, I wordlessly get up and walk towards the door.

"I'm so sorry about everything I put you through." I say softly without turning to look at her. That would hurt way too much to see the look on her face right now. She doesn't say anything but she doesn't have to. I know exactly what she's thinking.

Does any one else's heart feel like it's about to burst out of their chest?