Nineteen Ain't So Angelic Either

Revelations

"Why don't you just call her?" Lauren asks, coming and sitting next to me on the bed.

"I have." I say picking up my phone and tossing it to her. "Like a hundred times. Wanna do the next hundred?" I ask sarcastically.

"Maybe you should leave her a message, explaining it."

I turn and look at her. "Right, cause a voice mail explaining how I didn't tell her the whole truth when I told her I cheated on her is the best idea."

"Don't get..."

"I know." I say cutting her off, shaking my head. "I'm sorry." I've been bitchy to Lauren ever since Spencer left. I kinda blame her. But I know that I should only be blaming myself. I slept with Maci and Lauren and I'm the one who lied to Spencer about it. "This just sucks so bad." I say, laying my head down on her chest. She wraps her arms around me and I sigh.

"You're a fuck up Ash. No doubt about it." She says and I can hear the smile in her voice. "But I don't mind it." She says timidly and I'm confused.

"Laure."

"I know, Ash." She cuts me off. "I shouldn't, but I do. And I always have." Wait, what are we talking about here. I sit up and look at her.

"I don't think I know what you're getting at here." I'm not usually this slow but it's like she's talking another language right now.

"I like you, Ash. And I know that I shouldn't cause I like Spencer, honestly, I do. But you're this amazingly beautiful person that fucks up, yes, but your heart more than makes up for it. You're so sweet and kind and loving, you just, you have a hard time committing and I wouldn't push you to commit. You wouldn't have to be with only me, and I'm fine with that. I just want you. Even if it's only a part of you." Lauren finishes and I'm totally speechless. What the fuck do I say to that? "You don't have to say anything. Just... just think about it. I'm not going anywhere." She says getting up from the bed. "You should try calling her again." She tosses me the phone. "Or don't." She shrugs. "It really doesn't matter to me." She adds with a smile before walking out the room.

What the hell was that?

–

"Spencer please!" I beg as I continue to knock on her front door. Good thing her mom and dad aren't home cause I'm making a total ass of myself and I'm sure they would have asked me to leave by now.

"Go away Ashley." Spencer yells from the other side of the door.

"Please Spencer. I just want to talk to you." I tell her and didn't expect the door to open.

"What could you possibly have to say to me Ashley that I haven't already heard?" Spencer asks and looks at me intently, waiting for an answer.

"I'm sorry." I start but she cuts me off.

"Heard it." She shrugs before shutting the door in my face.

"Spencer please." I try again.

"I just gave you a chance Ashley. I've given you so many chances. Why the hell is this time any different?"

"Because I slept with Lauren forever ago, Spence. I swear I haven't slept with anyone since that night I slept with Maci." I tell her and quickly realize how that must've sounded.

She immediately opens the door. "So you..." She pauses and swallows. "You had sex with Lauren the same day you had sex with Maci?" She asks and I can see the tears building in her eyes.

"Spencer please, don't make me say it."

"I wanna know Ashley. Tell me. Did you fuck your step sister the same night you fucked that bitch." And now I know she's had it cause all the time I've known Spencer, I've never heard her curse like this.

I swallow the lump in my throat before answering. "Yes." I nod for effect.

"Unfuckingbelievable." The tears that were threatening to fall finally do. "I never wanna see you again Ashley. And this time, trust me... I so mean it." Spencer says through tears before slamming the door in my face one last time.

"Spencer!" I call after her. "Spencer please." I try again but to no avail. She's gone. I'm afraid that I've lost her for good this time. And how can I blame her. I've put her through more shit than anyone should ever have to go through in a relationship. Hell in a lifetime. I don't deserve her. And she deserves better than me.

–

"I really blew it this time Kyla." I cry into the phone as I sit in my car outside of my townhouse. I can't go in there and face Lauren right now. I mean seriously, the sex is... amazing but come on, how the hell could I be in a relationship with her? I'm pretty sure our parents wouldn't approve.

"I told you this would blow up in your face, Ash. You should have just told her the whole truth the first time." Kyla chides.

"I know. I just... the look on her face after I told her about Maci. I couldn't." I try and explain, but I know that no matter what I say, not fucking Lauren and Maci in the first place would have been the right thing to do. "How do I like without her?" I ask seriously. I've tried, it didn't work so well.

"I don't know." Kyla says to me seriously. "But you're gonna have to. You really made a mess of things this time Ash and as Spencer's friend when she calls me tonight to tell me all about this, and then asks me what I should do..."

"Could you tell her.."

"No." Kyla interrupts me. "I love you Ash. You're my sister and like my best friend. But Spencer's my best friend too and don't you think you've hurt her enough. You're a great sister Ash, but we both know that when it comes to relationships you're a... how do I put this nicely, a complete fuck up." Kyla laughs a little.

"Oh great thanks sis." I laugh a little too.

"We both know it's true. I think that you should be with someone that doesn't mind that about you. Or maybe you should just be single for a while."

"You know Lauren practically told me she loved me today." I tell Kyla.

Kyla scoffs before saying. "I don't like that girl." She pauses and sighs. "But you two have fun together and she doesn't mind who you are..." Kyla trails off.

"Are you telling me to be with her Ky?" I ask a little shocked.

"No." Kyla says firmly. "I'm just saying that as much as I don't like her, I can tell that you do Ash. So I mean, I guess that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world."

"I'll keep that in mind." I tell her.

"I gotta go, talk to you later Ash. Love you."

"Love you too, Ky." I tell her as we hang up.

Maybe Kyla's right. Maybe Lauren is exactly what I need in my life...