Nineteen Ain't So Angelic Either

Love Lost Equals Knowledge Gained

I open my mouth to speak but the words just won't come out. I can't do this to her. I can't tell her this because I know that it's going to break her. I know that I should but I just can't at least not right now. And I could be making a huge mistake but I just can't.

"Ashley, what is it?"

"I love you and I can't imagine my life without you Spence. Promise me you'll never me."

"I promise baby. I'm not going anywhere. I love you so much Ashley, more than I've ever loved anyone I think and I know that you're my first girlfriend and that I'm only 17 but I know what I feel for you is real. That time I spent away from you when I went to New York was like the worst time of my life. I missed you so much and I was so mad at myself for missing you. But I'm in love with you and I have been since the day I met you and being away from you showed me that. I know that you've made mistakes Ashley, we all do, but I know that you would never do anything to purposely hurt me. I know that you love me, so after all that, duh I'm not going anywhere. I can promise you that." Do you see why I love this chick? After that I can't not tell her cause if she finds out from someone else I know we're finished.

"Spencer I love you, and I would do anything for you." I can feel the tears building. It's getting hard to speak.

"I know baby." She's smiling at me. If only she knew the news that I'm about to drop on her.

"Spencer.." I pause trying to slow my breathing. I think at this point she could tell something was wrong because she's not smiling anymore.

"Ashley please..." I hate myself right now. "Don't say what I think you're about to say." She lets go of my hands and stands up from the bed. "Please Ashley don't."

I open my mouth to speak again but no words come out.

"You didn't, please just tell me you didn't." It's a shame that Spencer has been through this shit so many times with me that she knows when its coming.

"Baby, I'm sorry, I don't know what happened It was stupid, I was stupid. I'm sorry I love you so much." I stand up now pleading with Spencer to forgive me.

She's back away from me now with a look of utter disgust on her face and I can't blame her.

"Who was it Ashley? Is that why you came here? To tell me that you fucked some other bitch."

"Noooo." I start realizing that was a total lie. "I mean yes but I wanted to see you."I reach out to grab her hand.

"Don't touch me Ashley." She says backing up from me again. Wow, I've never seen her like this."I can't keep doing this with you Ashley, I just..." The tears start to stream down her face and I wanna shoot myself.

"Spencer, baby, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. You know that I would never hurt you on purpose."

"NO THAT'S THE POINT ASHLEY. ALL YOU DO IS HURT ME." She's yelling now. I'm not really sure how I expected this night to go but I'm pretty sure that this isn't how I pictured it.

"Spencer listen please just calm down." I beg, trying to reach out and grab her hand but she just pulls away again.

"Don't you fucking touch me Ashley." She says through clinched teeth. I swear she wanted to hit me. "Who was it?"

I was avoiding that question on purpose but hey she already hates me so what the fuck is the point.

"Some random slut I met at a bowling alley." I say. Yes I'm aware that I didn't say Lauren. No need to go there.

"I hope she was worth it cause I am done with you Ashley." She's grabbing her things and walking towards the door.

"Spencer wait please." I beg running behind her.