The|MULTIVERSE

EPISODE 47: Birds & Kittens

"WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!"

Cruxhaven's walls were soundproof. The thud and scream of Ricven was a shot heard across the world. Actually, his door was wide opened, so it was definitely a squall for the ages when Koerl, a big and colorful cheetah-lion (or was it a lion-cheetah) turned a surrendering Ricven into a body mat. The lounging alien cat's slithering, barb-padded tendrils snaked from his jaws and shadowed above the defeated Sepian's shocked face like two superior serpents that could smirk if they could.

And paralyze if they should.

Gremlyn dashed in and caught the claw-some beast's triumphant pounce. His decorated ears, which resembled a lynx and a bobcat, flicked long and pointy in their chiming tunes, and his large whiskers done that weird tick, tick thing, enjoying the distress jolting in Ricven's wide cosmo-eyes.

"Gremlyn sorry!" the goblinite stopped an inch near the two and felt a bit bad. Rubbing the back of his neck and grinned foolishly. "Gremlyn let Koerl slip away!"

Cornelius strolled in soon after, setting his wide-brimmed hat nicely back on his head. He didn't seem to be alarmed from how Koerl jumped Ricven. "Reuniting with your favorite chew-toy, eh, Koerl?"

The Sepian and meow-nificent cat were lock-sighted, too determined to break gaze or one would suffer the claw-sequences.

Really? We're really doing kitty puns now?

(Why, yes—yes we are... Ricven).

"Chew-toy my fine-freckled ass!" Ricven helplessly exclaimed. "Which one of you fuckle-heads loosened Sir Friskies' cage?"

Koerl, Koerl, Koerl. We don't know where he came from, but I alongside Hanakin and Cornelius stumbled upon this freak of maximum purfection during our random-ass rescue of Klarissa—held up by some mad scientist who believed in hybrid consummation through interspecies relations...if you know what I mean. We busted him and Princess Carrot Patch out of their unwantedly kinky predicament, and through special bonding with Cornelius—which DID NOT involve man on fur copulation—the damn puddy-tat became one with the family...

And as you can see, he loves fucking with me. A boot to the tush was the reason. Heh. I should've kicked his ass through the fucking exosphere.

The Caijun gunslinger cracked a grin and folded his arms over his chest. If there's one thing to put a wild hair in Ricven's ass, it was Koerl, and he had a lot of wild hairs. It was one of those friendships where one would think was another variant of love/hate. They can never be more wrong about these two. "Koerl's been stuffed up back home for too long. Time he stretch his legs on some new ground. He'll be staying here for the remainder."

Ah, fucksticks... "The remainder?!" Ricven stayed down. A hostage in his own room. He barely moved with a giant, purring cat on his chest and both Gremlyn and Cornelius secretly enjoyed it. Well...Gremlyn never could keep a straight face.

"Have another suggestion?"

A small, white spark of Ricven's teeth showed. He was opposed to the cat's new housing order. Living with Koerl meant an endlessness of back-and-forth torment. Like two conflicting internet trolls stuck in a perpetual state of tick-for-tack. "Mutant puss-ball... Gaiea's all the ground he needs."

"Really?"

"Or a giant cat tank with his own life's supply of yarn, catnip, and a fluffy scratching post in a place where every day is Caturday...far, far away from here."

Gremlyn cackled. It cut to a small oops-grade gasp when Koerl, whose delightful purr-suasion tactics had no hold on the hero, bopped the sarcastic Ricven's face with his large paw. The goofy Sepian yelped on the inside. He's lucky that he didn't catch the claws.