We All Fall Down - A Criminal Minds AU

Twenty Six

The bone you threw to Spencer was one that you regretted, letting him believe that maybe there was a chance. That bone made him pull himself together though and he stopped his pleading, wiping at his eyes with the backs of his hands and standing up from his chair. He moved towards you, his arms open as if to embrace you and you took a step back, his face falling again. 

“One step at a time,” you told him carefully and he nodded. 

“Do you have any other bags? I’m sure I gave Will more than this.“ 

"They’re in the car." 

"If you give me the keys, I’ll bring them in for you. Help yourself to some food." 

You handed the keys over, him looking curiously at the amount of metal adorning the key chain. 

"What are all these?" 

You could have said they were keys for work but you actually wanted him to know. Well, you wanted him to know some of it. 

"Spare keys to Emily’s and Tara’s. They wanted me to have them, just in case." 

"Just in case?" 

You stared him dead in the eye and watched as he became increasingly uncomfortable as you repeated your words, "Yeah Spencer. Just in case…..” letting them hang there. 

Almost sheepishly he left the room, disappearing outside to your car. Whilst he was gone you spotted a bottle of whiskey on the counter. Not your drink of choice but right now, you felt you needed it. Just being in the house, just being around Spencer made you want it. You poured a tumbler full, leaning against the counter top and waiting for him to return, which he did moments later. 

“Should I… should I take them upstairs for you?" 

"No it’s fine, I’ll take them upstairs in a moment. I want to get showered and settled in for the night anyway." 

"Oh,” he frowned. “I thought we could perhaps talk some more." 

Talk about what exactly, you wanted to ask, biting back the words as they bubbled into your mouth. Instead you replied with, "Well I’ve had a busy day at work and I’m tired." 

"Work. You’re working?” You were slightly suprised Jennifer hadn’t told him. You’d texted her to say you’d got the job and she’d responded say they’d drop by at some point to get breakfast. 

“Yes, I’m working. At the diner just outside of town." 

"You’re working as a waitress?” Try as he might he couldn’t quite hide the disgust that crept into his voice. 

“You’re the one that said I should get a job remember?" 

"Yes but… I meant something to do with writing… not…. waiting tables. Can’t you find something else?" 

You gritted your teeth, preparing to stand your ground. "I have a job waiting tables and I like that job and the people that I work with. It gives me money and a reason to actually get out of bed in the morning. I am keeping this job and will quite honestly be working all the hours that I can, because I need the money in case you throw me out of the house again. If you have an issue with me keeping this job, and come to think of it, any issues with me socialising with the new friends I have made, then let’s take a trip to your sister’s house right now, and you can tell your mother and your family that you’re divorcing me. Do you want to do that Spencer, because I’m ready to go?" 

His mouth opened and closed a few times at the realisation that you were serious. The backbone that you had grown was unnerving him as well as yourself, and whilst he was unsure that you would make him do that, he wasn’t going to risk testing you. After all, he was apparently still convinced that you were the one for him. 

"It’s…. it’s good that you have a job that you like." 

"And friends that I intend on seeing regularly….” you prompted. 

“Yes… Yes that’s good. You… you didn’t have that in New York, it’ll….” he hesitated. “It’ll be good for you." 

You nodded, satisfied with answer and no longer wanting to discuss it. You just wanted to get out of the room that he was in and go to bed. 

"Y/N…. Will you be able to come to dinner at JJ and Will’s Friday night? I was just…. I was just going to say that you were ill if you weren’t home." 

"One of my migraines that I apparently have so often?” You raised an eyebrow, enjoying the uncomfortable shuffle he did. “Tell them I’m working. Your sister knows about the job anyway. Sunday nights are really the only evening I’ll have free." 

"JJ knew?” Something inside Spencer seemed to crumple at that moment and you wondered if he was beginning to feel what you had for so long. Out of the loop and alone. 

“Yeah she knew. She probably… she probably just didn’t want to say in case you decided to try and see me there, and she knew I wouldn’t want that. In fact, I don’t want that.” You suddenly realised that you didn’t want him there. “Don’t come to my workplace Spencer. I know you don’t eat there anyway, but don’t come there, please. It’s…. it’s mine.”

His face was glum and his shoulders slumped. The joy that had been in his eyes, the hope that had surged through his veins when you had walked through that door was gone again. You had sucked it from him and instead of feeling joyful and pleased with yourself, you felt bad. Like you had kicked an injured puppy. And in a way, you almost had. Spencer was grieving still for his father, his whole family was which you were telling yourself was one of the main reasons you had come back to the house. He was hurting and you were hurting him further. And that bothered you. After everything it shouldn’t, but it did.

“Look, Spencer. I didn’t say that to be mean. I just…." 

"I get it. It’s your safe place away from me. It’s fine. I won’t come to the diner and I’ll tell my family you can’t make it.”

You closed your eyes momentarily and threw him another bone. “If they arrange a meal for a Sunday night I’ll come to that. It has to be in evening though, I’m busy during the day.”

“Surely they have to give you one day off? That’s illegal to have you working everyday.”

“I’m not working, I just have plans on Sundays. With….” You couldn’t. You wouldn’t. There was nothing going on but he wouldn’t like it and you just didn’t want that fight right now even if you would simply threaten him with telling his mother. He was beaten down enough tonight and it would be like rubbing salt into an open wound. “Emily and Tara go for hikes on Sundays, and I started going with them. Fresh air and exercise, it’s good for me you know." 

"Yeah…. Yeah okay. Maybe… maybe we could go on one together one day?" 

You no longer hated him. You had more perspective on why he was the way he was and you felt sorry for him. You pitied him almost. Yes he was manipulative, yes he could sometimes poison you with his words, but inherently he wasn’t a bad person you didn’t think. He was hanging onto the idea of you desperately, and for now, for just a little longer, you decided you would let him. 

"Yeah sure, maybe.”